merry swiftmas, everyone! 
cause nobody wants to be the last one there;
shopping always starts of fun, i see nice things and i want to buy them. but it’s so, so rare to find something that’s actually my size. and then, the price is never right either. ahwell.
lovelove timtams and general chocolate, secret recipe’s cappuccino’s cheesecake was not bad, BEST PART OF THE DAY WAS ipoh horfun because the noodle was just awesome, even better than pho. seriously. man, but i love vietnam. shall go back there for a holiday sometime.
i’m getting used to this place, wouldn’t mind calling something like this home. so idyllic, quiet, peaceful… yet comfortable and modern. its probably the best kinda mix, at least for me.
i’m enjoying myself very, very much and i kinda don’t feel like going back to singapore anymore.
even though i miss my own church service. yeah. but the church service i attended here was totally different from anything i’ve seen before, and they sang very beautiful hymns/ hymn-like worship songs. i like
ho ho ho!
so today was festive jams (which are worse than festive stress), the land of strawberry farms and strawberry related merchandise (any product you can think of comes in strawberry-dized form), cool air, phones running out of battery, driving at night, wanting to see stars but no stars, amazing amazing scone, steamboat and just loads of memories that i’m gonna keep with me through all the tough times that will come, eventually.
life here’s slow paced, just loads of bumming around, good company, great food, awesome times
i think long and winding roads are nice to drive down when there’s no one and you can be a total speedster. also, overtaking is actually really exhilarating. from the view of the front seat, of course. i have a feeling if i drive, i’ll be a petrified road hazard.
so this is christmas/ and what have you done
MERRY CHRISTMAS
i suddenly thought about what i was doing last christmas. well, christmas was a greeeaaaat time for me last year it still is, this year, but in a different way. i’m excited about the new year to come, even though the past year hasn’t been all that great. in contrast to last year, where the year was just totally awesome and i thought my life would go on like that forever. i guess not. everything comes to an end, both the good and the bad.
right now, i’m content with the life that i have. it’s far from perfect, but there’s so much to be grateful for.
it’s a few days to 2010 and i am just so insanely excited about teaching, hopefully coaching, potentially being a CGL, officially joining YA and having CG every week, singing for worship (slightly nervous for that! BUT i’m sure those nerves will slowly go away), getting a salary (!) and financial freedom… yeah, next year sounds real good to me
the only downside is that because i’ve been eating so much during this festive season, i’ve put on about 5kg. i kid you not. over the past few months i’ve amassed quite alot of weight so it’s about time i do something about it.
so this year, my new year’s resolutions are gonna include losing weight, as per always, BUT this time it really is a very valid concern because i am seriously piling on the pounds. but dieting will have to wait till the new year, I PLAN TO MAKE THE MOST OF THE EXCELLENT FOOD AROUND ME 
remember;
i decided to take a trip down memory lane, to look at my old personal statements, and realized that i haven’t changed at all. not one bit.
the 14 year old girl who loved teaching and the arts managed to get into NJ, and that didn’t change her, for the girl at 16 was saying the same thing, and the girl at 18 said the same thing…
except that this time, it was not just “i love this.” or “i love that.” but “i want to do this for the rest of my life.”
so basically for the past 4 years, i’ve had my eyes on the prize. i’ve known, very deep inside me, what i wanted to do. i don’t know if it’s good or bad that i haven’t changed, but i’m happy with who i am.
i’m glad for a BREAK, somewhat. time to pack.
where soul meets body
Lord i offer my life to You
everything i’ve been through
use it for Your glory
Lord i offer my days to You
lifting my praise to You
as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord i offer You my life.
-
it’s been submitted and it’s all in His hands now.
all i need is You;
why do we fear? what is there to fear?
why are we indecisive? what makes us hesitate?
yesterday the altar call reached deep within me to remind me about quite a few things;
and i guess next year my saturdays won’t be free, even though previously i thought they’d be.
does it really matter, though? i’ll be doing what i want to do. making a difference.
not for glory, power, money, or anything else but just for God.
-
Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak, won’t let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray
Got every reason to be here again
Father’s love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You
All I need is You
All I need is You, Lord, Is you Lord
One more day and it’s not the same
Your spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Saviour once again
Where would my soul be without Your Son
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You’re watching over me
You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold, You hold
my heart & my soul, i give you control;
is this a sign?
or am i reading too much into it?
perhaps.
God works in many ways, and just today i fervently prayed that He would use me as a vessel to do work for Him. perhaps this is the answer.
time to go do some bible study, pray about it…
and we’ll see how things go.
i’ll be anticipating/ this is our song, they’re playing;
i think i’m neglecting my cat, slightly. i probably pay more attention to cameron than to her. ahwell. time to give her daily hugs and more love.
today a part of me wished that i was 15 again, and could just wear my heart on my sleeve without getting hurt.
yeah anyway, watched new moon with basil today. was quite fun i did enjoy the show, although i felt it could have been much better made. yeah. also, bella annoys me. like, majorrrrr insecure. oh but i cried when edward left her. just like i did when i read the book.
i finished reading “boom” already. it’s quite a nice play. enjoyed reading it. just started reading “off centre”. gonna read a tale of two cities soon. can’t wait to go to malaysia and just read. read. read. okay and settle my college apps.
MEANWHILE there are other more urgent things to do… :/
anw had dinner with johnson at ikea after that!! tried their soft serve ice cream for the first time and it really was quite nice!! haha. can’t believe i’ve been to ikea so often and this is the first time i’m trying that?? ahwell.
FOR NOW: TO SLEEP, and it’s a whole new day ahead tomorrow, with many things i’m gonna do. or at least try to do.
so i look to You;
i truly have never been so tired in my life. but it’s all worth it because i feel close to God, and i feel like my life is actually worth something. or rather, i’m rediscovering my meaning in life as a christian. learning, all over again, to trust God. i guess camp sets us time constraints for alot of things, but the restriction of time forces decisions, gives me pressure…
i got what i wanted in the end, but not until i learnt that i didn’t get it because i wanted it. i couldn’t get it until i wanted it for the right reasons. and of course, i only got it because it is, after all, God’s will that more people be saved.
i don’t know if i tried my best, but i know i tried. and i know what my heart desires. and perhaps that is enough. i have never felt more discouraged in my life, being an OGL was so so much easier than leading this group. but the messages were group and i think i managed to get my group going in the end, somewhat. but it wasn’t what i expected. still, i think i managed to make a difference, although perhaps not in my group. but why does that matter?
i think my expectations were too much; i thought i’d be on a spiritual high but instead every single part of me is exhausted, whether its physically or mentally. but i guess perhaps not every camp needs to see me jumping around like a mad, crazy, enthusiastic person. it feels weird being quiet, or having someone tell me that i seem the quiet sort… heh. i guess there really are many sides of me. but i did enjoy this camp, overall.
and perhaps, like someone was telling me, you don’t actually need to go high and craazzy and all. the important thing is that you grow in your relationship with God. and i managed that, definitely. God is so real, and He is so, so great, and so so good to me, always guiding me, quietly. i’ve grown alot, learnt alot, and i’m looking forward to the next camp! even though i don’t know if i’ll even be able to go :/
i’ve realized that i really, really love my church though. i really love the youth worship, it’s so dynamic and amazing and i really enjoy it and everyone’s really nice to me, and i’ve made new friends this time round who are all so so wonderful and always pray for me and cheer me on
the time has come, for me to stand for what i believe in
and Lord, i’m gonna lift my praise to you!
but for now, i’m going to sleep. FINALLY watching new moon tmrw and the next few days will be going past in one. huge. blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
my nail polish (from the manicure i did for prom) is chipping off. time to mend it. and mend some other things in my life, too.
