cos if one day you wake up to find that you’re missing me.

today was good(:
met denise in the morning in holland V to settle stuff.
then to town, big jam.
and then, mad EPIC rush to get movie tickets, lunch and BOLT with esther(:
i like bolt the dog. he is really cute.
the movie was worth watching! even if it as abit cliched.
and i felt it was like a case study of epistemology. which is probably my favourite branch of philosophy. heh.
then hanging around buying chocolate with basil&friend.
town is a madhouse around christmas.
then to clementi, to shihui’s house for SYC christmas party(:
which was basically timeout in a really chilly pool, and a hilarious gift exchange.
i am the new proud owner of an ACJC shirt!

this has been a memorable christmas, and a christmas worth remembering.
i had christmas dinner & starbucks supper with mum last night(:
since i spent christmas with mum, and in this season have spent it with most of the pals, i have decided that i’ll probably spend NYE in malaysia with daddy and. yeah. i don’t know why i can’t make simple decisions anymore.
maybe my brains really have vegetated and i’m turning into a bimbo.

so this is christmas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE !!

(finally, it does feel like christmas)
i am getting a semi-stable connection, and today was my first christmas day as a christian, with a church to go to.
and it was pretty awesome
i had to sing a song from the musical, so while rehearsing for that i missed worship ): but it was worth it to go up there and sing. i <3 the stage, and to be able to serve God AND enjoy myself at the same time is probably something i am very, very grateful for.
went out with church mates after that, for christmas lunch and then watched IP MAN! which is a good show, and i suggest only guys should watch it cos i was abit affected by the violence. like, it was just merciless which i found quite scary.
but maybe its just me having a low tolerance since i havent watched such a show since huo yuan jia that was like, 2 years ago.

from today, i conclude that no one ever guesses my age right.
and also, that i like my church. alot

and in a few days time, i’ll be in malaysia! i’ve never been more excited to go to malaysia because it’s probably the first real holiday i’m having, and without roaming i am going to be cut off from the world (yay) and there’s a wedding to go to (and i have a new dress!) and well there are other coolbean reasons why i am trying to go into malaysia ASAP! partially cos daddy’s getting abit annoyed that i keep putting it off :/ cos stuff keeps cropping up. sigh. SOON

it may only be a wish away.

life has been tough not having an internet connection, but courtesy of unlimited smses and a phone with wifi, i don’t feel out of touch because i can still talk to my friends and i can still send and receive emails.

oh yeah, and coming home late means i don’t actually feel the difference.

sunday was the last performance of the church musical, and i am kinda missing it. like, it was actually fun to play a bimbo (and im having abit of trouble getting OUT of the role) and VERY, VERY fun to be on stage, every day, practicing. and of course, singing every day… and getting rid of my stage fright when i sing! to be a  confident performer in almost all aspects is probably one of the best things that have come out from this musical. that, and the fact that a few people came up for the altar call

quite a few people came on sunday, daddy and esther and ben and grace and basil i’m quite happy i went home with flowers

went out with grace on monday and watched TWILIGHT
i am so gonna watch it again, if i can. maybe when i go to malaysia
then went shopping with mum, and it started feeling a little more like christmas. for all the people who have been giving me fashion advice, know that i have enough long tops/dresses to last me for a week now! or more. haha.

tuesday was spent in school learning the walk-in dance which was quite fun then my first christmas party of this season. there was wine, champagne and beer and i came out sober. as usual.
next year, i somehow think i might not be sober at this time of the year.
but then again, i might be. i might turn out to be as pro as my dad. heh.

it doesn’t feel like christmas eve, but spending the day with basil today was quite fun SHOPPINGGGG

ever ever after.

Storybook endings , Fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside, We want to believe they still do
In our secretest heart, It’s our favorite part of the story
Let’s just admit , We all want to make it to

Ever ever after, If we just don’t get it our own way
Ever ever after, It may only be a wish away

Start a new fashion, wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what’s realest by making believe
Unafraid, unashamed, there is joy to be claimed in this world

You even might wind up being glad to be you
Ever ever after though the world will tell you
It’s not smart
Ever ever after
The world can be yours
If you let your heart believe in ever after

No wonder your heart feels it’s flying
Your head feels it’s spinning
Each happy ending’s a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through

To ever ever after – Forever could even start today
Ever ever after – Maybe it’s just one wish away
Your ever ever after
Ever ever ever after
(I’ve been dreaming of a true love’s kiss)
For ever ever after

deep down inside we wanna believe they still do.

one down, two more to go!
last night’s performance was… amazing.
there were people who were touched enough to go up during the altar call, and although i dont know any of them personally, i’m glad that this musical managed to touch their hearts.

i guess courtesy of my exceedingly dysfunctional family, i will never have a perfect day to claim. whether its getting my scholarship and then feuding with my mum, or a wonderful performance and then feuding with my dad, i guess the better the day, the more painful the setbacks.
all i can say is that i can’t wait to get out of this house.
i’m sick of my parents taking out their anger at each other on me.
i’m 17, i don’t deserve this, and i’m not even a terrible kid to start with!
family means the world to most of my best friends, but sometimes it doesn’t mean anything but tears to me.

so yeah. best thing yesterday was overcoming my stage fright when i sing.
its always been an issue, but God helped me forget any fear that i felt at all last night. i went up there calm, and if i felt anything, it was more excitement than nervousness or anxiety.

and i’m thankful for basil and grace who were there at midnight to remind me of who i am, and that this is not my fault, and to basil for talking to me until i was okay (:

i’m starting to believe in the power of prayer. more and more every day.
i don’t think it’s by chance, i think it’s by a work of God that all my best friends are all christian.

hopefully, tonight’s performance will be even better!

there’s more to life when you listen with your heart.

omg im finally online again
on church wireless, waiting for rehearsal to start.
I AM SO SO SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS WEEKEND>>>

starting friday night, a performance every night… that’s 3 performances to almost full houses. and in the case of saturday, a full house!

the best thing? my voice is back
after ALOT of medication (i think i’ve spent like almost 30 bucks at guardian) i can sing again. i am so happy that i’m going to shut up and save my voice, so that it doesn’t get damaged again.

this week has been pretty much good.
my daily schedule goes like this: wake up late, go out, rehearsal, come back late, sleep soon after because i no longer have a working internet connection at home. which is kind of a blessing in disguise.
went out with estella on monday and with grace on tuesday. made new name stickers
met mr patrick for lunch yesterday, then met up with basil to pass him half my CD collection.
today was the best, i slept in all the way until like 1 before i dragged myself to town, met basil again, this time only for a short while because i wanted to go shopping! bought a pretty top/dress from max&more.

so yeah, other than for my random emo moments where i start an sms only to realize you’re not here, life has been pretty much very good.

i am glad i did not camwhore THAT much at SYC, so now i have lesser photos to upload. heh.

ready to fall;

and so… camp’s over.
my internet connection is almost always not working, and i’m typing this from a subway with estella.
where my hotmail is stubbornly not working, either.
i’m finally feeling awake again, and ready to face 3 shows upcoming this weekend!

and my voice is back too, thank God.
i shall upload photos… soon.
crash and burn was mad; 16 hours of sleep in a week, then another 16 hours in one day… and another 10 hours today so i’m starting to normalize (thankfully).

GRAH. I NEED A CONNECTION.

i still remember.

we’re on a journey, we’re travelling the ocean
our hearts are empty, but they’re open to receive

we’re all here for the same old reason
all here for the only notion
all here for a chance to share our love, our love

remember, oh, remember, when we have to leave each other
remember, please, remember, the times we were together
even though we’re far apart i will keep you in my heart
i will never forget, i’ll still remember

its only been a while, that we all met each other
but we can all smile when we think of the memories we made

everytime when i see the ocean, i’ll look to the stars and think of you
even though we’re far apart, you’ll always be in my heart.

-

today, i said goodbye too many times.
i said goodbye to a camp that was the experience of a lifetime,
i said goodbye to friends that i hope i will still be able to stay close to,
and most importantly, this camp aside,
i said goodbye to one of the people closest to me.

i knew this day was coming, but the hurt and the crying have come and gone,
and now i feel just… numb.
for the past 2 years, my life has revolved around a few best friends and a few other pals and good friends.
to have one of my best friends go, like how one of my best friends (michelle) has left already,
was just too much for one day.

camp didn’t have a proper end; i checked out of RELC at 11am before heading to the airport to send the foreigners off. basil (my newfound pal) came down for youth with me after that, then i came home and crash and burned for the next 16 hours.
yeah i slept a grand total of 16 hours during the camp.
if you add yesterday, thats 32 hours over 8 days. still insanely little.
which explains why my voice is now gone.

come hit me up, come hit me up

so today was danceart’s 20th recital, and it was a blast!!!

it’s my 4th ever recital, and i realized today that next year i’ll be one of the seniors in the senior section, and it’ll be my 5th and probably my last recital too. not an inviting prospect.

but meanwhile, i’m still happily an intermediate tap student and i really enjoyed tapping on stage even though the sound was a little different on stage.

and omg i look really weird in most photos cos my smile looks superrrr contipated. i think it is the effect of very uncomfortable makeup ):

(photos to be up on facebook soon! im trying to get it up now but if not, await them one week from now!)

i love dancing. i live to be on stage, i live to perform.
and i really, really don’t mind making the stage my second home, or making theatre my future vocation.
it’s a thought, but i don’t think i have enough talent for broadway.
but do i really have to be on broadway to be happy?
honestly kallang theatre and UCC have been good enough for me, perhaps one day the esplanade!

anyway i am going to be laptop-less for the next week (!!!) while i’m away in camp, but thankfully i have my super cool phone so i’ll still be online, and i can still access my email etc. and of course, unlimited sms almost makes up for not having caller id.

today my food intake was half a piece of cake, a dozen satays, a pack of chips, an oreo, a few pringles, and that’s it.
but surrounded by ballet dancers who are almost all skinny, and other dancers… basically 60% of the people around me today were stick skinny. thus making me feel really, really fat ):
which obviously, makes me unhappy, so hopefully i get to work out over the next few days :/ i really miss running ):

anyway packing is such a choreeee. and i think i am totally overpacking (as usual) but ahwell, better to be safe!!

say hey what’s it gonna be tonight?

omg wordpress has undergone a majorrrr revamp.
today my face spent about 8 hours in full stage makeup, so i looked like i was ready to go on the runway although my thunder thighs and pig calves and basically the fact that i’m fat probably makes me not so runway worthy.
but you get the idea. makeup. lots of it. i couldn’t recognize myself when i was done, but i think the makeup was nice, my parents were quite impressed that i did it myself

anyway today the audi at UCC was empty but i can just imagine it being full tomorrow — the idea of performing to a full house is just absolutely …. well, it’s an indescribable thrill so i shan’t attempt to put a name to the flutter i feel in the stomach, or the quickening of my heart just before i go on stage because once i’m on the stage, it’s showtime.

the lights, and the new stage smile i’ve managed to plaster (the trick now that i’ve perfected my steps is to have the right attitude, and this means making that smile SINCERE. it’s a challenge i tried and managed the last recital, and hopefully this time the smile will reflect the jumpy feelings i have inside.), it’s all so surreal but it’s the life that… i love. honestly i wouldn’t mind doing this everyday.

it’s exciting, and everytime you can put a different touch to it, and it’s just so amazing i’m really excitedd about tomorrow!!

even though, for the first time, i’m really just performing for myself because mummy, daddy, my friends etc. will all not be there. so this one’s for me.

and honestly i wouldn’t trade this for anything. okay maybe for one more day with _, but honestly if i had to pick between this and performing some cultural dance  in some hotel auditorium, i’d pick this anytime, anyday, in a heartbeat. and maybe i did make that choice, in a roundabout way.
but it wouldn’t be difficult to make that choice, because i love tap dancing, i love the sound my shoes make, i love the intricacy of the movement of my feet and of course, i love the big stage. the one where you have to buy a ticket to get in, where the lights are glaring into your eyes and the ridiculous yet beautiful and stage-worthy costumes.

yeah and we’re performing to what has got to be one of the coolest ever dance songs, it’s hit me up by gia farrell from the happy feet soundtrack. compared to she bangs a few years ago, or tribal fusion where we were like african natives, this has got to be one of the tamer, nore mainstream songs that a pop-lover like me really, really enjoys.

okay enough gushing. i’m in a high mood and my week is officially not-so-bad after all. the worst part was actually learning how painful goodbye can be. but well i’m in a fabulous mood now, although i really need to go get some rest soon! i’m finally getting somewhat of a break, and it’s a break well-deserved and seriously super hard earned.

oh yeah. went shopping with fer this morning
WE ARE THE ULTIMATE BOMB MAN! ahahah.
bought a new pair of pumps that are really sweet!!!

more shopping when i get back from camp. hopefully.

WISH ME LUCK FOR MY PERFORMANCE TODAY,
(i have blisters on the side of both my feet, i’m praying that i’ll be able to ignore the pain and just dance. i got the blisters today while dancing and they burst WHILE i was dancing so it was really painful but i just ignored it, and then limped off stage.)