am i coming through?

life is good except when _ decides to _.
(i had my emo hour so i’m fine now)
okay but mostly i was gonna post a really chipper post cos the past few days seem quite cool!! (although i’m inundated with work and stressed!)

like, i stayed over at estella’s the other day. which was really fun and stuff except that i also stubbed my toe, so i have internal bleeding and this internal blood clot which looks real gross.
had sushi last night from giant and saw esther at vivo which was really random but cool.
i’ve not been getting enough sleep !!! so tonight, i will sleep by midnight. MUSTMUST.

oh. and.
I AM ABSOLUTELY PSYCHED ABOUT ORIENTATION.
SERIOUSLY.
cheering, dancing, walk-in… all the things i love.
so being an OGL for the second time just enthralls me.
and i’m really, really looking forward to it!

chinese new year seems really far away.
i have (fond??) memories in photos though. okay probably not fond because alot of them are unglam to the max but yeah.

i am currently in love with a dog that’s white with brown patches. yeah and long fur i might marry a vet, and have his clinic near our house so i can go visit the animals everyday

okay enough of randomness i shall go dry my hair and sleep!

watching in slow motion, as you turned around and said;

school today was a hard knock back to reality.
and feeling pathetic and unworthy.
i think i’d rather be numb.
i feel very worn out from CNY. feasting and being merry over the past few days have made me fat, again. (need to run, i am just wobbly sigh)

photos, soon. once i get a decent connection ):
(i swear, without my phone, i’d die from a lack of connectivity)
i met a bunch of cute dogs, namely whiskers, biscuit, snowy and hoppy. biscuit and snowy are new additions from last year
and this year, i was less anti-social
less of talking to the dogs and more of talking to the people.
partially cos i also met cool people and had fun talking to them and playing card games.

i can’t wait to turn 18 !!! its 137 days away. (i have a countdown timer on my dashboard)

orientation next week YAY life is good. even if it isn’t a bed of roses right now, it’ll get better with my favourite time of the year

and today was a day unlike any other;

5 AWESOME things that made my day!

1. almost late for school :/ but i made it in time to emcee for the morning assembly Thank God. i lovelovelove public speaking of any kind, especially semi-formal emceeing. i RAN the last 200m into school and nearly died cos i was in PUMPS with zero support. but other than the emceeing being fun, orange exchange was quite fun too

2. cny celebrations/ concert was okay, i really like watching chinese dance!!

3. MY LIT H3 IS NO LONGER IN THE DUMPS i have a topic, but i need to think alotalotalot more about it. STILL. its better than having no topic. Thank God, and thank Mr Whitby.

4. grace and i were craving subway. i remembered priscilla from ngeeann saying something about having subway for lunch, and i figured that since there isnt any subway relatively near NJ (UNFORTUNATELY) it must have been in her school. and true enough, ngeeannpoly ROCKKKKKS it has a new canteen which is clean, spacious, beautiful, with CHEAP FOOD and GOOD FOOD to throw into the bargain. try subway and waffletown – and you could have a good meal under ten bucks buying from both. man, life is so so good when you find things like these.
that canteen is my new study place. goodbye expensive gloria jean’s (which i haven’t visited in MONTHS), when i start studying again i will just study at possibly the best canteen in singapore.
and maybe, one day, i’ll try the other dishes other than subway!! haha.
I LOVE SUBWAY.

5. SHOPPING WITH FER bought skinny jeans in black i wanted to buy another pair of heels from charles & keith cos they were all soooo nice but i think i shouldn’t because heels on tall people just don’t look good. i saw a few already tall caucasian girls in heels to make them taller and they are… literally a head above the rest. i bet their boyfriends are all like…. yao mings. probably fellow caucasians who are like, tall.

-

over this week, i have thought about this-
5 reasons why i wish i were a guy
1. i wouldn’t get hormonal
2. i would have a high metabolism rate, so i could eat alottt.
3. i would be better at running
4. i would be able to sit at the playground alone at 11pm at night and not be scared
5. i would be able to sit in an abandoned field for as long as i wanted without looking over my back or wondering when the sky will turn too dark for me to stay there safely.

okay yeah basically there was a sunset today that looked promising, and i wanted to straightaway run to labrador park to take it. except that labrador park is a very long walk in, hence not suitable for a girl to go. i wanted to go to a high place, like telok blangah hilltop, where there’d be no obstructions. but then, someone actually like got buried there so yeah, not a good idea. i’d be freaked out to death.
(maybe i just need a brother to double up as a personal bodyguard. HEH. preferably someone who would share my interest in the sky.)
and then i remembered that when i run, i usually pass by an abandoned field and the sunset sometimes looks very promising, and i’d always wish i had my camera but i never would. so today i made a special trip just to explore the field.
it is one really big field. its used for archery. and it was completely empty. quite scary to be alone there but the sunset was worth capturing.
the clouds were too dark though, spoilt the hues of the sky.
i felt like the hues of the sky today were like… the colours of the wind. or at least, the day the colours of the wind look in the pocahontas MV.
and then i had to quickly take and then go (i stayed almost an hour anyway) because i figured if it gets dark, then it’d be dangerous.
i took about 30+ pictures, tried bothering with the composition, played about abit with scenes and colour selection, but i think there’s only gonna be one or two that are actually noteworthy.

ANYWAY I FEEL VERY PLEASED ABOUT MYSELF RIGHT NOW.
life is good.

not a cloud in the sky;

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BASIL!

basil!

glad you had a great day pal, and i hope know that there’ll be more great days to come!

-

i am not sure if i’m glad/sad that i’m getting a holiday, i definitely need it because i feel really, really tired but i’m not burnt out (yet). hmm yeah i just wish i could do all the things i wanted to do, but i guess when i’m not even sure about what i want to do, it’s abit difficult to make a rational decision!

debates today was my 2nd day of being a 3rd speaker and it is actually really fun going out of my comfort zone (slightly). madhura and i were talking about how we could go to university and be versatile speakers who can do any role. now that, would be nice.

but before i go anywhere, i need plenty of sleep.
as my eyebags show, i’m not getting enough.

sometimes it just feels better to give in.

19.01.07
that was 2 years ago. (this post comes one day late.)

as yet unnamed.

you know, there are certain events that change your life.
or those that form a cornerstone to the person you are.
this, was one of them for me.

yesterday was one of those good days.
i’ve been having alot of them good days.
not perfect, but then again no day is ever perfect.
honestly, i think i’m just so, so blessed.

hung out with estella and had serious talks,
dinner with B,
and to top it all off, a 3.2km run (:
my timing was bad, but it felt good to run.
it kinda feels good to have aching legs right now, too.

today was a not-so-good day.
my lit h3 proposal was rejected and i think i’m screwed up, big time.
yeah and right now i could cry just thinking about the numerous things i’ve to do. i could seriously promise myself never to procrastinate again, but then it wouldn’t work.

yeah but i guess i’ve realized alot of things over the past few days.
i’ve talked about alot of things that were troubling me, and thought about important stuff i was running away from.

cny is coming soon! but suddenly, i’m not so excited anymore. :X
i wish it was like, another few weeks away.

i got my rock moves, and i don’t want you tonight.

this is very troubling.
i have a really nice collection of books – but i’ve realized, to my dismay, that i can’t find most of them.
my room is seriously in a beeeeggg mess.

anyway in happier news (:
today it felt really good to be back in church, and to see all those familiar faces. i really like my church (:
then went off to town to meet fer!!
it was fabulous manz we shopped and i am the proud owner of a new pair of white heels. its low heels, so yeah i can actually wear it without looking like i’m on stilts. i really like it.
last week i saw someone wearing something like that and i was like, omgosh i totally gotta have that. not to mention that i wore something like that for the musical (albeit much, much higher) so i kinda already figured that white heels are really nice.
then dropped by vivo for the face shop, to get a new shade of nail polish for the new year!!!
i technically have new clothes for the new year already, but i figure it won’t hurt to shop more HEH.

had a serious talk with fer about stuff.
i think what i need is a run to clear things up. except that i can’t keep running away and forcing myself to ignore the issues at hand.

sometimes i really wonder what i want from life.

anyway!! i am extremely excited about going to malaysia, shopping at f.o.s. has suddenly become very appealing purchasing power rockssss.

hurhur i need to start working and stop feeling like such a slacker.
but seriously today was a really good day
i love shopping and as i looked as a pair of wedges today, i remembered that when i was young and tomboyish and “i will only wear jeans, i hate skirts and i hate dresses even more”, i was still girly in the sense that i liked nail polish, lip gloss, and heels.
as a teenager/young adult now, i wear anything that looks nice and i still like nail polish and lip gloss, but i haven’t been wearing heels cos i’m tall enough without ‘em.
but oh heck, i love heels!!!

its about 5 months too early but i’ve decided exactly how i want to celebrate my birthday already. i’m gonna stay in singapore, and just after midnight, i’m gonna go to the nearest 7-eleven and buy myself a bottle of Q. then at night, i’m gonna go clubbing. yesssss.

i have given up reading my lit text and decided to go on to lighter stuff, like for one more day by mitch albom.
that feeling, the one where you wish you had one more day… honestly i’ve only experienced that “wanting” like, thrice in my life. my dead grandma, and my overseas palz.

talking about overseas palz, i still havent gotten a chance to post my letters!! bleahx.

got all the puppets with their strings up

so, i thought i lost my handphone cover, but it was actually in daddy’s car so he just bought it back today. a few hours later, i left it in school and now it won’t be in my hands till monday.
i seriously think i am epic careless ):

today was dance class, lunch, walk-in dance rehearsal, church, dinner.
i urgently need to visit the post office. its highly overdue.

i love my new hair ahaha its quick dry

and i wanna make it worth the fight.

im grouchy, moody and insecure.
i miss debating so much ): it just ain’t the same to be sitting down instead.

america seems to be dishing out money by the hundred-millions; i seriously wonder how much deficit they’re going to accumulate.

anyway, TGIF!
spent the last 2 afternoons watching my juniors debate, and do a good job of it!
they didn’t win, but i felt that they did well, and did a commendable job, still.
went out for a while with them after the competition ended today, then came home to go for a HAIRCUT!
i now have slightly shorter hair (but still more than shoulder length since i apparently look like a, uh, kid with short hair!) thats heavily layered so it can dry fast

ahhh my weekend is going to zoom by so fast ): dance, OGL walk-in, church, shopping aaandddd the inevitable homework such as the very very important lit h3 proposal. hmm. yes.
bleaghz.

oh yeah took height and weight in PE today, plus timed run.
i’m still the same height AND the same weight ): dieting this week has officially FAILEDDD, next week i am taking it to the next level with RUNS. i don’t care, i will MAKE time. this will also benefit the timing of my run, which is currently a sign of my disgraceful state of fitness (or lack thereof). i guess when i haven’t gone running properly in MONTHS (say, early, pre-yltc november) i should have expected it.
i’m fat and unfit. oh joy.

something’s gotta give.

i made it to school on time this morning
i think being a debater is a very integral part of who i am, and what i go to school for.
and i guess, i’ve learnt to strike the balance between being argumentative and arguing for the sake of it.

i am actually enjoying school, just that waking up early is a bane that i seriously could do without. also, dangerous mood swings when i’m stressed =X

junior’s debate today went…well it wasn’t a fabulous debate but i thought they did well and deserved to win (narrowly). but they didn’t, so nevermind.

tonight i went down to chinatown!! all the red & gold. took lots of photos
really tired now from all that walking, but it’s good exercise

tomorrow is friday, and then it’s the… WEEKEND! whooots.

-

and every night i miss you, i can just look up
and now the stars are holding you, holding you, holding you tonight.

soon.

i guess i’ve learnt it the hard, painful, tearful way, that you should treasure what you’ve got in front of you, especially the friendships.
sigh.

for now you’re not here and I’m not there, it’s like we’re on our own

i am pleased to announce that
-i have managed to make it to assembly on time at least one
-my ibook charger is working again, thank God
-my iPod died for a day, then i kept restarting it and finally, thank God, it worked
-i’m actually enjoying school, for the most part.

i have grace with me in econs, estella and nush for pe, math and/or gp, lavania as my de facto combimate, so school is pretty much enjoyable and fine. i am happy.
unlimited sms = good life. i’ve been sending a hundred a day, partially because of debate relays.
and debates is my life. honestly i wouldn’t have it any other way, as i realized today. i love my juniors and coaching is more fun than i thought it was; it’s hard to be benched, but to coach (or rather, adjudicate and comment) is a different perspective thats even more challenging than debating itself so it’s fun.
homework is not fun but i think letting it pile up would be really, really not fun.

i havent been online because no internet and no laptop. i’ve still been sleeping late though, heh.
i am now fatter than ever before and on a journey to shed that extra fat before chinese new year. i have about another week plus and yes, i can. (i must, i’m really terribly fat. taking height and weight was really traumatic.)
honestly if i didnt like food i would just go ano.

sent selina off at the airport last night and it was pretty nice meeting up with all the syc peeps

i do miss malaysia, a little bit. the whole lazing around not realizing i was putting on weight and doing sudokus all day and yeah alot of things i guess. (sometimes) things change and it takes a while to get used to it. but we do, eventually.

for now, i’m content with my lot. very content.
(i was abit sad yesterday because it seemed everything was going wrong, with my iPod and iBook not being around and my life depends on them… but nush and estella are the best, they bought me a little mermaid magazineeee so today when i got it i was on top of the world!)