i will live a child in awe of You.

and, the end of the week is nearing.
4 days in a row of big events to deal with is just too much for my body to deal with.
i’m all ready to sleep early tonight.

i’ve been polishing off the choclate in my house quite rapidly.
have been up since 530am this morning – slept early last night and woke up early this morning instead of doing it the other way around.
college day! was fun and enjoyable and i lovee public speaking.

backstage, waiting to go onstage, is the best place to be

this has been a really fulfilling week!
but upon reflection today, this week has also made me realize alot of things i’m not doing right, alot of things i’m taking for granted, and i guess the long break coming up (!!!) is perfect for me to correct that…
and start on my lit h3.

meanwhile, i need some rest. and hopefully, with enough rest stocked up, tomorrow i shall go for a nice long run to sort out all the thoughts runnning through my head.

fairytales & castles.

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” Henry Ford (1863-1947) industrialist, inventor

life is good
i seem to be saying that alot lately, but really! mostly, i’m happy. very happy.
and excited. yesyes.
and trying to plan surprises without letting the cat out of the bag – something i am super, super terrible at.
i can see myself accidentally blurting out the surprise which would make me really annoyed since i’ve tried so hard NOT TO.

okay but in other news!
i am highly contented.
even though today i went through a few crises – the fat legs crisis cos i looked at yesterday’s recordings and thought my legs looked abit like tree trunks, the big hips crisis cos my skirt was a little tight, and the general i am fat crisis cos i was trying to find an excuse to avoid eating.

however, i have been eating alot today.
breakfast was chocolate at home, plus a nice bowl of noodles in school.
lunch was caifan, with extra rice and even the aunty remembers me for adding more rice HAHA.
dinner was THE BEST! went out with lavania and paveta to IKEA and had a huuuuuugeee meal, and the bill came up to less than 12 bucks.
it was meatballs plus spaghetti plus burger plus fries THEN after that i topped it off with a hotdog.
YUMYUM. no more donut cravings, i’m really contented with my ikea meatballs + hotdogs

HAPPYHAPPY.
tomorrow is gonna be a GOOD DAY. i can feel it already.
especially since tomorrow brings the prospect of…
A NICE LONG WEEKEND, including a sentosa visit. WHEE

As we walked we were talking and I didn’t say half the things I wanted to.

FER CAME DOWN TO NJ TODAY
absolute awesomeness. made my (otherwise quite lousy) day
we watched the acjc vs dhs soccer match. and soccer is actually quite interesting.

today, i really wished i could redo last year.
i’d go watch the soccer nationals. i’d go watch the softball nationals.
i’d do my math homework.
i’d… treasure what i’ve got in front of me.

i guess i need to be contented. stop being so picky. overanalytical.
but sometimes, i want to be contented too, but i don’t think it’s just my fault :/

SIGH.
i am so tired that i keep falling asleep! and i am such a BUM.
i am going to sleep early so i can stop feeling so tired.
i think a lack of sleep SEVERELY affects my emotional state ):

okay but i know this – next year, i dont wanna regret what i’ve done this year.

on another note, 2.4km run today was ohkay. i ran under 14
but its a not very good timing. 13mins 50 seconds which is a deprovement from last year, but still good considering that i havent really been running.
i miss running.
maybe the lack of exercise is screwing up my brain.

you’re on my heart just like a tattoo.

im suddely a fan of tracy chapman.
music’s gotten abit boring lately. too much emo material to avoid.
its slowly getting better though.
i’m fine so long as i don’t get an emo song overload.
and then start thinking, and start thinking too much.
and doubting, and having stupid thoughts come up.

but i’m seeing things with a new clarity now.
so maybe the emo songs can come all they want,
and i’ll be okay.

today was a good day!
even though i started it off really, really drowsy.
but had a BIG BIG LUNCH at bukit timah food centre with B

absolute awesomeness!

i also think i am getting better.
i think it is because i am breathing in cleaner air now.
b thinks its cos i have been in “good company”

WELL either way i need/want to get better,
enough to put up with being medicated to the extent of drowsiness.
partially cos im really growing quite fat,
and i can’t run until i get better ):

I think you and I should stay the same

today was a 19 hour LONG day,
tiring,
satisfying,
disappointing.

humanities trip cultural performance rehearsal got me up at 5,
and being really intelligent i fell asleep on the bus and was late still,
napped in the canteen during break,
woke up in time to do econs homework for once,
did question 9 but it was actually question 8 due,
had a “consultation” where i basically just went on about how i promise to study harder etc. but i don’t know where i’ll find the time,
then LUNCH WITH LAVANIA which was friggin awesome -
we went to visit my mummy at bukit timah food centre…
and for $10.80, we had a decent pizza (excellent for that price) PLUS lasagna.
and then i was really nice and full for a while.
mum gave us dessert of her awesome brownies, healthier less sugary version which i don’t like as much ahaha.
i think know i have a sweet tooth.

then back to school for PE!!!
weather was perfect for a run… except that my iPod wasn’t down at the grandstand, and i was really, really full.
so i ran the 8 rounds really slowly, but it was really fun
and like, in the 6th round, i felt like i couldn’t go on anymore, but then my body went on autopilot mode… and i was running faster than my previous snail pace.
but although it was faster, i was still relaxed, carefree, not thinking, just running.
i like that kind of running.

so i guess. i thank God for that
being able to run, and having the strength to run on.

then adjudicator’s briefing, all exciting stuff,
ANDDDD TODAY i got to adjudicate A div and B div
finally, i’m no longer relegated to shadow adjudicate C div.
and it was really fun adjudicating
really exhausting though, but fun.

…but now, i’m just really, really drained.
i was FAMISHED by the time the last debate ended,
and kinda excited (or rather anxious) but the results…
and well. it was a little… ironic??
well stc made it in! to quarters.
and although i have nothing to do with it, i’m still quite happy
and my juniors… well i guess they probably missed it just by abit.

ahwell.
we’ve tried our best.
and so the season ends.
my last JGs season…
(unless i become a coach)

but yeah.
it feels abit odd.
i think i’m too tired to care right now.
(so tired that i cabbed back home.)

I NEED TO PACK OMG OMG OMG.
FLIGHT LEAVES AT 405PM TOMORROW,
COMING BACK 1325 ON SUNDAY.
i’m excited to leave and go over there and have alot alot of fun,
go shopping and all,
and even more excited to come back!

between now and then,
till i see you again,
i’ll be loving you.
love, me.

fearless-

And I don’t know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don’t know why but with you I’d dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

i’m leaving for vietnam in a few days.
i haven’t packed.

there’s so many other things i’d like to do;
but i don’t know how.

i feel quite stoned.

new earphones, new hair ties (i bought 3, somehow one’s gone missing within a few hours! grah) -
my appetite’s suddenly come back and i’ve been eating, ALOT.

eg. two bowls of wanton mee for dinner last night
(okay but it was REALLY really GOOD wanton mee)
and today i had double lunch :X plus sandwiches.
oh no.
i really might grow fat this time but whatever.

i think i forgot how much i liked eating, just for fun.

watching in slow motion, as you turned around and said;

school today was a hard knock back to reality.
and feeling pathetic and unworthy.
i think i’d rather be numb.
i feel very worn out from CNY. feasting and being merry over the past few days have made me fat, again. (need to run, i am just wobbly sigh)

photos, soon. once i get a decent connection ):
(i swear, without my phone, i’d die from a lack of connectivity)
i met a bunch of cute dogs, namely whiskers, biscuit, snowy and hoppy. biscuit and snowy are new additions from last year
and this year, i was less anti-social
less of talking to the dogs and more of talking to the people.
partially cos i also met cool people and had fun talking to them and playing card games.

i can’t wait to turn 18 !!! its 137 days away. (i have a countdown timer on my dashboard)

orientation next week YAY life is good. even if it isn’t a bed of roses right now, it’ll get better with my favourite time of the year

not a cloud in the sky;

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BASIL!

basil!

glad you had a great day pal, and i hope know that there’ll be more great days to come!

-

i am not sure if i’m glad/sad that i’m getting a holiday, i definitely need it because i feel really, really tired but i’m not burnt out (yet). hmm yeah i just wish i could do all the things i wanted to do, but i guess when i’m not even sure about what i want to do, it’s abit difficult to make a rational decision!

debates today was my 2nd day of being a 3rd speaker and it is actually really fun going out of my comfort zone (slightly). madhura and i were talking about how we could go to university and be versatile speakers who can do any role. now that, would be nice.

but before i go anywhere, i need plenty of sleep.
as my eyebags show, i’m not getting enough.

i got my rock moves, and i don’t want you tonight.

this is very troubling.
i have a really nice collection of books – but i’ve realized, to my dismay, that i can’t find most of them.
my room is seriously in a beeeeggg mess.

anyway in happier news (:
today it felt really good to be back in church, and to see all those familiar faces. i really like my church (:
then went off to town to meet fer!!
it was fabulous manz we shopped and i am the proud owner of a new pair of white heels. its low heels, so yeah i can actually wear it without looking like i’m on stilts. i really like it.
last week i saw someone wearing something like that and i was like, omgosh i totally gotta have that. not to mention that i wore something like that for the musical (albeit much, much higher) so i kinda already figured that white heels are really nice.
then dropped by vivo for the face shop, to get a new shade of nail polish for the new year!!!
i technically have new clothes for the new year already, but i figure it won’t hurt to shop more HEH.

had a serious talk with fer about stuff.
i think what i need is a run to clear things up. except that i can’t keep running away and forcing myself to ignore the issues at hand.

sometimes i really wonder what i want from life.

anyway!! i am extremely excited about going to malaysia, shopping at f.o.s. has suddenly become very appealing purchasing power rockssss.

hurhur i need to start working and stop feeling like such a slacker.
but seriously today was a really good day
i love shopping and as i looked as a pair of wedges today, i remembered that when i was young and tomboyish and “i will only wear jeans, i hate skirts and i hate dresses even more”, i was still girly in the sense that i liked nail polish, lip gloss, and heels.
as a teenager/young adult now, i wear anything that looks nice and i still like nail polish and lip gloss, but i haven’t been wearing heels cos i’m tall enough without ‘em.
but oh heck, i love heels!!!

its about 5 months too early but i’ve decided exactly how i want to celebrate my birthday already. i’m gonna stay in singapore, and just after midnight, i’m gonna go to the nearest 7-eleven and buy myself a bottle of Q. then at night, i’m gonna go clubbing. yesssss.

i have given up reading my lit text and decided to go on to lighter stuff, like for one more day by mitch albom.
that feeling, the one where you wish you had one more day… honestly i’ve only experienced that “wanting” like, thrice in my life. my dead grandma, and my overseas palz.

talking about overseas palz, i still havent gotten a chance to post my letters!! bleahx.

well open up your mind and see like me

i’ve crosssed 20,000 words for nanowrimo and i’m only like, 1/4 way through my story?? or less. this is going to be one long writing journey. i can’t seem to get past the beginning!! i’m gonna hit 25,000 by thursday midnight; i’ve promised myself a bag of reese’s as a reward.

but i’m not staying up again; surviving today on 4 hours gave me a splitting headache, and resulting in me losing control and going on a binge fest first during debates day camp (snacks galore!!!) and then during solaris OGL bonding session (more snacks!!) so basically i went crazy as i always do with food in front of me. who can resist chocolate or cheezels staring out at you?

hmmm yeah but i really feel like watching the lake house sometime soon.
and obviously i need to start packing for YLTC quite soon too; it’s NEXT WEEK.
but i’m happy just to stay home and write, actually. kinda regret signing up for YLTC
(i can’t believe i’m saying this, cause i was actually looking forward to it.)

ANYWAY today was funzos to the max. i’m rusty on debates but ice cream treat was gooood. our favourite coach, mark, is BACK!
solaris ogl bonding session went pretty well too; got to know my juniors better (always a plus about solaris hangouts) and i made new friends too.
IJ FAMILY – all the way!

oh and we waded in the pool. i rescued an umbrella from the bottom of the 1.8m deep pool with my long legs and i realized the water was so fun that i got some of the others to join me. pictures when i find time to upload them

I CANT WAIT FOR ORIENTATION!!!!!!!!!!!!! the theme this year is.. (okay i really shouldn’t spoil it). but i like the theme