what it takes i don’t care, we’re gonna make it i swear.

i slept at 2am after finishing 2 paragraphs of lit, only to get an extension during lecture today (not that i’m complaining about more time) till next wednesday, so i guess i’ll rewrite it to ensure some degree of quality at least.

my PI’s screwed up, after reading the PI of others (shoulda done so earlier) i realized it. sigh.

my day was actually quite fun. being happy and high keeps you awake, after coffee and icy cold water in the morning just to keep my eyes open.

i thought today was friday and nearly died of fright.

i felt the drizzle, with specks of rain, and i wanted to go running. even though i’m not in a state to run, even though i should anyway because i’m becoming flabby and heavy with all the irregular dinners and not enough sleep.

this ain’t working out the way it should, but thank goodness i’ve cleared some things up.

like yesterday daddy called me on his way down from KL, on his handphone, just to see if i was okay. then he asked about debates and all, then asked where my quarters were held. and i told him brusquely not to come down because i could see him there freaking me out major. so i called him just now to apologize and explain because i felt so bad about it.

yeah, i ended up crying my heart out in front of my computer all the tears i’d been holding back, and thankfully i felt better after that (:

lalala i should go do homework. i don’t feel like eating anymore; usually i have some food in mind to binge on but tonight other than my oreo ice cream there wasn’t anything else much i felt like having.

i should just go running and shed the poundage i’m steadily piling on, no thank you to late nights and later dinners. rah.

today was actually mostly good. i’m just too tired to appreciate it, and so tired that i’m making a big fuss out of small things.

i’m looking forward to tomorrow, yet dreading it. although it’s going to come, so i should just focus on why i’m extremely excited about

1. meeting suzy tmrw for finals i miss my best friend !
2. my pen hoard, courtesy of lavania who went shopping for it today. i write more with nicer pens, and writing more is always good for arts students who have many essays to write. argument for debate cases would be similar.
3. TGIF. even though saturday…. let’s not go there. although i must admit i’m excited

and now, to FINALLY start on homework, getting my butt offline, and getting some sleep done.
(and stop eating all the cookies and timtams.)

crazy.

Tell me what’s wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Young girls dying to be on TV
They won’t stop ’till they reach their dreams
Diet pills, surgery
Photoshop pictures in magazines
Telling them how they should be
It doesn’t make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy
Is anybody gonna save me
Can anybody tell me what’s goin’ on
Tell me what’s goin’ on
If you open your eyes
You’ll see that somethin’ is wrong

I guess things are not how they used to be
There’s no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Makin’ kids feel like it’s World War III
No one cares, no one’s there
I guess we’re all just too damn busy
And money’s our first priority
It doesn’t make sense to me

Tell me what’s wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see,
Rich guys driving big SUV’s
While kids are starving in the streets

No one cares
No one likes to share
I guess life’s unfair
-
i can’t pretend i don’t care.

an afternoon of simple plan and our lady peace awaits and hopefully this ensures i actually get some homework done. i’m dying for a swim =x

killjoy; perhaps love.

after 12 hours +++ of sleep i still need more, and dad’s consistent nagging has actually dumped the message home that i need to slow down.

so instead of coming home after DEP (during which i realized the importance of having a good coach, amongst other things) i went out with suzy and had a thoroughly enjoyable evening bingeing at island creamery and macs at serene centre, planning to do my homework but winding up talking instead.

the result is that i’m currently very happy but also have a pile of homework that remains undone by tomorrow’s deadline. i should also add that i’ve realized my nonchalance about my studies has to stop.

i have to stop finding excuses but instead find study partners who won’t fall asleep while studying history notes. and of course stop the whole procrastination thing and start studying. as much as i’d like to dismiss that thought, i can’t.

meanwhile i can finally breathe easy (ignoring the fact that i have PE tmrw which means my height/weight is going to be taken. my greatest obsessions in life.) and eat as much as i want, ice cream and fried foods galore because i don’t need my voice for anything anytime soon. so yay.

and now, to address the exceedingly important issue of homework. *groans.*

hello, 2008 !

and so another year has come and gone and 2008 is here, and i’m turning 17, ohmygoodness. i can still remember being 13 and wishing so hard i would grow up but now it doesn’t seem that glamorous heading to IP3 and preparing for A levels.

counted down the last few hours/minutes/seconds of 2007 and the first few minutes/seconds of 2008 at lavania’s house, playing tai-tee with her hilarious sisters & cousin.

so yes, hello 2008.

but just before i say goodbye to 2007, let’s take one last look at the magic 14 highlights of how my year went:

1. Disney Night was the most amazing & magical experience i’ve ever had, and i really love my (now defunct) band even though we never had a name (as yet unnamed we remained) and thanks to minh, tu & johnson for helping me overcome my stage fright to become more confident and for being just so totally cool & supportive.

2. SRJC Quarter Finals was just after disney night, i remember watching the finals with suzy. it was a good showdown. getting trashed by RJ was good because we learnt something watching their style.

3. JGs was a learning experience, and getting into DEP after that managed to spur me on to love debates with more passion than before, and hopefully this passion helps me become the best debater that i can.

4. Math Lessons suddenly became very fun in alpha, thankyou mr terence chia and mr adrian low because you guys helped me love math again, and i really hope that if i become a teacher in the future, i can be as inspiring as you guys.

5. Drama SYF & Dramafest was all about perseverance and coping with the unexpected, and learning to accept that what you want might not always be what’s best for you or the team.

6. FPSP taught me how much teamwork really matters, something i’ve never really grasped but now i understand. And i do love & appreciate my team, namely Chenxi, Nush, Mengyuan & Yingshu. And of course, Mr Ho & Ms Ong for their continued guidance.

7. Emo Bouts were all the rage, with tears and whatifs crowding my mind. whether it was about school or about friends, i do believe the tears have made me stronger, although i don’t want to end up a crying wreck again. This year i’ve gone through a few painful bouts of drifting away from friends i love much, but i’m glad to say that we’ve pulled through, and we’re still going strong, me & all my closest friends. (okay 3 broken fences, 2 mended and better than before, while the last one doesn’t matter anymore.)

8. Late Nights Out became the norm this year, and emo-ing on the synthetic field the other day reminded me of those evenings at the grandstand watching the sunset & all the stargazing sessions i’ve had this year, so i guess i’ve learnt to appreciate my school environment (nature, literally) abit more.

9. Weight became a critical issue this year as i battled the bulge and grappled with dieting and obsessions of losing more weight. I still think i’m fat and need to tone up and lose weight (seriously compared to the average NJ girl i am not as skinny as i’d like to be) so next year, armed with Fitnesse & yoghurt, biscuits & muesli bars, i’ll aim to cut down on the chocolates & calories and increase the workouts. No more binges or giving in to random cravings.

10. Dream BIG CIP at Zheng Hua Primary with Nush & Grace was really fun, and with Mrs Tan who’s ever so dedicated, i’m really looking forward to it next year. Of course, i love my little mentee lots and i really hope i can make a (positive) difference in his life.

11. ISL was just really fun. the whole experience, from fundraising to meetings to the actual thing itself, especially with dad coming along. My dear room mate silvia, my very funny dance partner Andrew, and all the other fun people on the trip like Bing Xin, Abby, Trent & Sarahrah who made the whole trip more memorable.

12. OGL-ing was another dream come true because i love cheering, dancing & just generally being insane and high. so thanks SOLARIS OGLs for being such great people to hang out with.

13. Working at the Law Firm was a dream come true at first, seeing how lawyers work and all, but it soon turned into a little bit of a nightmare. I’m still undecided about what i want to do in the future but i am looking forward to cashing the cheque and splurging on stuff (once i get the time, which could honestly be next christmas).

14. Vivo became my favourite hangout for studying and shopping, and i think this trend will continue in 2008.
There is much to look forward to in 2008, come to think of it now.

So thank you:

my dearest suzy!, for all the fun times hanging out
grace, nush & minying for letting me cry on your shoulders.
wenjie & johnson for spewing logic and telling me to relax whenever i get stressed or obsessive about my weight. and of course for being there, always.
fer for being the best neighbour ever, and for seriously being there at any time, any hour, any day.
michelle & yuyun (the overseas people!) for replying to my emails that came at odd hours when i was crying in the middle of the night and needed someone to just emo on.
audrey & tiffany for listening & for all the good advice
estella, esther, lavania, japheth, sultan & gwen for being there at the randomest of times.

without you guys, i couldn’t have made it through 2007. there are probably definitely others i haven’t mentioned here, but to all of you who made a difference in my life (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AHAH), thankyou, i really appreciate all of you peeps & look forward to more coolbean times with you guys in 2008.

okay and now i really must sleep. goodnight, and happy new year to you all ! may the new year bring to all of us health, joy & success, & may all our dreams (and wishes) come true!

With one final last look, 2007 i bid you goodbye. 2008 & the future, here i come!

come right back to haunt me again.

just back from grace’s, rather tired so here’s quick post before i drop off into the blissful unconsciousness of sleep.

went to school bright and early this morning with enormous eyebags, painted banners which was rather therapeutic, albeit a tad tiring. fun though. wouldn’t mind painting more banners. haha.

totally drained out — after lunch at this place behind school i never knew existed, i came home, bathed changed and rushed out to meet grace at vivo.  she was late, so while i waited i went to candy empire and bought up tons of chocolate (before realizing that i wouldn’t see the recipients of these gifts until after christmas i.e. in 11 days’ time when school starts) then met up with her and bought some christmas cards and walked randomly around vivo. went over to her house for dinner, then we exchanged our packages of gifts from around the world hahah. vietnam VS usa. HAHA.

so after giving grace, among other things, a bottle of joy and a nike tennis shirt that says “nothing but grace” (totally her), grace gave me a reallllyyyyy cute keychain and this super sweet book featuring cats (!!) and a barney waterbottle which i am so gonna start using

photos coming soon ! i’m going off to JB tmrw, perhaps with my laptop in tow so i can sync my photos properly before uploading them. heh.

i’m so tired. my throat’s sore & i’m falling prey to the flu ): hopefully i get well soon, esp before the OGL camp. i think it’s a lack of sleep that’s making me sick.

it’s always better when we’re together

after 10 hours of sleep, i woke up to an sms from my coachee who didn’t get my letter which i posted 4 days ago, so i guess it got lost in the mail, DRATS, and i have to write another one ! sigh =/

went to take passport photos and man do i look bad ): i think i just have to acknowledge that i’m rarely photogenic ):

then had crayfish horfun for lunch cause it smelt good, came home, watched an inconvenient truth, might watch the prestige later! watched pocahontas last night and realized pocahontas and john smith look weird =S oh no i think this means i’m growing up, because i’m spotting all the illogical stuff in the movie! =/

i feel quite free now, cleared abit more of my room and dumped away more unwanted stuff including stuff from ip1, and i found the semester 2 gpa that i had lost for a year ! haha =p i can’t find semester 1 now though, drats!

decided to throw away the paper box i made to store all my letters because it was overflowing anyway, and found a nice paper bag to put everything in. read through some of the letters, some are mundane but others are things i should remember forver and the like; this has been a really good year, and hopefully next year will just be better

reading the letters was nice though, it’s like reliving all the good old times that may or may not come again. there’s much i’m wishing for the next year, it isn’t unrealistic but it takes alot of faith for me to believe that it could all happen. and maybe some confidence isn’t bad to have, after wallowing in despair for so long.

went running just now, for one entire hour straight, just running around my neighbourhood =) came up with a story plot haha, sorted out some of my thoughts, came home, took a nice cold shower and curled up on the couch watching tv.

this is the life =)

AND IN THE PERFECT END TO TODAY:

I GOT IN AND I AM GONNA BE AN OGL NEXT YEAR, YAY

I AM SO, SO BEYOND HAPPY, WHEE <3!

thank you, God

i need a miracle.

today i burst into an hour long temper flare, then my mood swung and i was back to being cheerful, albeit being quite dao and blackfaced still because i was just so stoned.

i’m abusive, and i have many slaves like nush, estella & chenxi, just to name a few.

i am a mean, horrible and vindictive person who’s trying to cut down on her usage of vulgarities & trying to be more tolerant but not doing that very well.

mind over matter; that’s what i need to remember.

I HATE just can’t do KINEMATICS OMGOSH. hate it so so bad. trying to learn to like it but not very well either. i can “see” where physics ties in to a-math now and that is NOT helping my a-math and neither is it helping my physics. sigh.

physics lab today was really fun, photos+video coming soon once i feel like bluetooth-ing it to my laptop and uploading it onto facebook.

i’m going to swear off facebook today, and focus on finishing bio + that MI essay. and of course, sleeping early because i am really tired and i have to stop using food to keep myself awake in class because as much as i hate to agree with dad, it’s a bad habit.

i have so many things to bitch/rant about today but i shall say it in a protected post instead (ask me for the password if you wanna read it) ;

better be safe than sorry.

being opinionated has it’s drawbacks, feedback session today was quite useful albeit resembling a debate session somewhat; logical rebuttals 101.

okay back to work now.

there’s no other way when it comes to you.

i actually managed to finish up some work today.

something tells me that it’s not a coincidence that mr chia agreed to the bargain of 4As in ma2103 for alpha in exchange for wearing pink for a week. after looking at my statistics tutorial, i figure i’m really gonna have to slog my guts out if i want to keep my own A, and there is no way i am going to get that A+.

i haven’t looked at the last topic, permutations and combinations yet, because i think i deserve to enjoy the rest of my weekend.

gave up getting distracted by my laptop and went out to macs instead to study with fer. sat there for 5 hours straight without getting distracted at all, amazingly managed to finish some of my chinese papers and a few more questions in the stats tutorial.

i have forgotten how tiring it is to actually study, because right now i’m tired and i feel a headache coming on. ahaha today my calorie intake is insanely high because of the box of large fries i consumed along with mayo + garlic chilli. and i didn’t go run cause it was raining.  i will find a way to work out during PE tomorrow. i’m sure audrey will be my willing partner in “crime”

considering that i have a chinese test tomorrow and i really need to prove to wen lao shi that i am not a hopeless prig, i’m actually going to sleep early tonight, once i finish up my statistics tutorial because i really can’t face looking at another chinese word for today, i’ve really had enough.

i think i’m tired enough to over insomnia. i had a really nice dream last night (weekends are probably the only time i get to dream properly) where someone was announcing during the morning assembly that we were the fpsp champs.

results for fpsp are still not out yet, even though we can guess who will be in. it’s like wondering who will win the debates championship this year, raffles or ac. same thing with fpsp, it’s either RI, RGS or HC. ahwell.

which reminds me, LA FPSP ! *wails*

although i’m not taking my O levels, i think i’m being subjected to an equal amount of stress here. or equal amount of workload, whatever.

off to have dinner. it’s so COLDDDDD gah. wish the rain would let up for a while.

TGIF.

the one thing i want the most right now is sleep. if i could i would pop a sleeping pill so i could sleep for 24 hours straight, that’s how much i need uninterrupted rest.

it doesn’t help that i’m getting insomnia even though, ironically, i am tired.
i don’t dare to weigh myself because i’ve been eating so much this week and i haven’t exercised at all, what with 2 useless PE lessons of playing games that do not constitute to running.

today was quite a light day though, thank goodness, cause last night i think it took me over an hour to get to sleep.

biology was TMI during muhammad’s presentation -.- GC was spent memorizing the trigo derivatives (the cosec and sec stuff) and ended up it wasn’t tested. math was a test instead of the normal lecture, and the test went pretty much okay except for the last questions which i spent about 15 minutes on and I WILL NOT THINK ABOUT IT.

finished watching singapore dreaming during geog. it’s one of those movies that show how singapore isn’t as perfect as outsiders might think we are.

lunch, took my panadol and then it was free period managed to finish half a chinese essay (I MEAN IT when i say i’m going to TRY.)  then went for chinese and after that it was supposed to be chem (ew) but ended up it was a free period instead which i spent talking to jonathan & samarth about BGRs and uh, life. haha. then it was PE and we played badminton, and yingshu and i decided not to “burden” mengyuan and chenxi so we played by ourselves and spent more time picking up the shuttlecock than hitting it.

i prefer volleyball to badminton. actually, i like volleyball. alot. i think. ahah

well yes, fate is my fickle friend i shall finish my chinese mock papers tonight, because i’m quite determined to prove to wen lao shi that i’m not useless, i just couldn’t be bothered in the past =S

ahah this is from yuyun’s blog, xD

#1
1.Honestly what colour is your shirt?
oversized red fbt jersey.

2. Honestly, what’s on your mind?
a bit of a headache and a the image of a triangle (2-d pyramid) i’m supposed to dy/dx.

3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
blogging, blog-hopping and going to sleep soon.

4. Honestly, have you ever been in love?
i think so.

5. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
yup.

6. Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?
if it’s available, yeah.

7.Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
minying.

8.Honestly, are you jealous of somebody right now?
yeah.

9. Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time?
a lack of proper communication.

10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
yup. thats why i keep them long, so i can bite them and they still look okay.

11. Honestly, do you use anyone?
yeah i guess.

12. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment?
yes.

13. Honestly, do you have a friend you don’t like?
i think we all have our bad days.

14. Honestly, do you love someone very much?
i would love to know the answer but this is one of the issues i lie in bed at night and think about and the answer evades me too.

15. Honestly, does anyone like you?
yeah, but if you mean in the romantic way then i don’t know for sure.

#2
1. What do you do when you’re mad?
blog. sing. cry. try to calm myself down or curse that person to hell.

2. What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?
make the person i’m mad with suffer the brunt of my anger. and i’m scary when i’m really angry.

3. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
yeah, not just once, and i can’t say they didn’t deserve it either.

4. Do you swear when you’re mad?
it’s a habit i’m trying very hard to change.

5. When was the last time you really cried?
i feel quite proud of myself, i can’t remember. i think it was last week or the week before.

6. Ever cried yourself to sleep?
it’s called chronic depression and i think i am used to be afflicted with it.

7. What usually makes you cry?
lots of things. friendship problems, stress from math, parents,

8. Are you normally a happy person?
I’m normally a sleepy person.

9. Does being with your friends makes you happy?
Yes. =)

10. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy?
I think they’re lying. And I wonder what their motives are.