consuming fire, fan into flame a passion for Your name.

“If you do not listen, and if you do not set your heart to honor my name,” says the LORD Almighty, “I will send a curse upon you, and I will curse your blessings. Yes, I have already cursed them, because you have not set your heart to honor me.”

Malachi 2:2 (New International Version)

this is my fear, and also my comfort.
it has been an awful, awful week so full of tears, betrayals, realizations about how some people just don’t care, but i’ve also realized who are my true friends, who are the people who truly love me, care for me, and just want the best for me, and don’t lie to me or harm me or anything, and i’m so grateful to God for that.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)

i am mildly worried about my future, because i don’t know if what i want is what God wants for me, but i KNOW with CERTAINTY that everything will fall in place, according to God’s plan, which will unveil itself eventually.
but this weekend has been time out with God, i love my church and i love praise & worship cos i t always makes me realize stuff and the worship music is so so good!
one day i wanna be the one on that stage, choosing songs to sing, and making a change in the people attending the service. the songs really do matter, and today the songs had the same message over and over again in many different ways, just about how glorious God is, just about praising Him, wholeheartedly.

God is awesome, and God is sovereign over everything.
If we lean on Him, we know we can trust Him.

i haven’t been leaning, or trusting God enough lately,
it’s time to go back to really living my faith and not just proclaiming it.

‘cos i know you’re worth it.

TODAY WAS TOTALLY THE AWESUMZ!!

okay so i had an immense amount of trouble WAKING UP and i ended up late for church becoz church service has now been moved 1 hour earlier
i should be ashamed of myself, really BUT next week i will try to be on time!! :/

and thenz went out for a super long lunch with church people!! ikea meatballs are awesome and the company was just hilarious haha i <3 my church people. they’re all so nice even though sometimes i still feel abit like a stranger cos they’ve all grown up with each other and i’m this thing that just dropped in quite recently.

hopefully the next time i go to ikea they have my favv soup! love ikea soup, and the wholemeal/chunky kinda bread that comes with it.

went to vivooooo! basil just happened to be there with other people but joined me to go shopping for some stuff eg. dividers! and we managed to find some at pageone. i’m gonna be rather annoyed if i find nicer looking ones at kino tomorrow though BUT NEVERMIND!!

then went to macs and decided to read my history notes (!!), spent like OVER THREE HOURS on one set but at least i’m done with it :/ history is one subject that i just seem to spend so much time on but i still do badly for

TOMORROW … MATH COMES BACK. I AM DREADING IT. DREADING DREADING.
this is probably the only kind of suspense that i like, prefer?
better not to know

on the brighter side!! finished studying about 9, went down to swissbake at about 9? and i was really annoyed cos my favourite quiche and pies were ALL GONE so i bought some chocolate thing, and some curry puff instead. i think i stole one of the chocolate things lavania was eyeing (HAHA SORRY MATE!) but it was the first time i saw that there were actually any chocolate things left!

and then while i was paying, guess who should come along but dear ol’ B
who came down to send me home

today has been a v.v. happy day although it turned out entirely different from the day i planned out when i started my day today – but unexpected is good, once in a while!!

SCHOOL IN LIKE, 8.5 HOURS?? MATH LESSON IN 9 HOURS.
i shall think about how awesome today has been

a love that never fails.

HAVEN’T HAD SUCH A GREAT DAY IN AGES

went to visit b’s church today! i really love it how his church is just down the road from mine, which makes it kinda near my house too, and i totally do not have the excuse to say “oh no i lost my way” because pasir panjang is kinda like a straight road chockful of landmarks.

ANYWAY bible study class was good – i realize that i’ve missed out on alot.
like sunday school. that basically most people around me have been through.
but anyway. lunch after that was good too, then went cake shopping for mother’s day!!
(and we picked up a cake for ourselves too because i kinda really love cake. HAHA.)

then went to surprise my mum!!
and i think she was quite happy
came home, completely and utterly worn out and now i shall go SLEEP.

we are not shaken, we are not moved

this has been ringing in my head for the past few days.

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

there’s so many “firsts” for me – PPH is the first church i’ve gone consistently for, last year was my first christmas, this is my first easter spent in church and i’m starting to realize that there’s more to life than sleeping in on such holidays and spending the rest of the day tussling with crowds along orchard road, shopping.

So I’ll wait upon You now
With my hands released to You
Where a little faith’s enough
To see mountains lift and move

the past few days have been absolutely awesome.
i’ve been spending a considerable amount of time in church, hanging out with people from church, which i’m really, really glad for
also, have been hanging out with christians when i’m not in church which is definitely the right way to go

today i have managed to juggle many things, all in one day, and it hasn’t even been tough, it just… happened. i really thank God for that, because with this ability to multi-task without stuff clashing makes life so, so much better for me

i am contented, blissful, happy, grateful.
and most of all, Thankful.
i thank God, for without Him i would be nothing and i could do nothing either.
He is my strength, my comfort, my deliverer – the ever-living God.

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don’t it feel like sunshine after all?

i forgot how much i liked sr-71.
i’ve been avoiding that playlist for a few months now, cos i thought it consisted of too many emo songs, but today i decided to risk it and while it did make me a little thoughtful, i think its not heartwrenchingly tear-my-heart-out emo.
not anymore, at least.

today started off with going to church which was fine,
then yearly trips to the *&^*&% temple.
where i basically acted like a total prima donna.

but honestly, there is no other tradition as harmful to the environment as that of “qingmingjie”!
not only is incense, joss sticks, PAPER burnt, releasing carbon dioxide into the environment, and PLAGUEING everyone in the area with its toxic fumes,
the amount of PAPER that goes into the whole business is KILLING TREES FOR NO GOOD REASON.
seriously, there are model cars and model slippers and BOXES of paper just being burnt… ALL FOR NOTHING!
material costs of these REDUNDANT things aside, its still utter wastage!
not to mention how the ashes of the stuff that’s burnt is hard to clear up, and therefore dirties our surroundings.

logically, this was why, when i was walking, keeping to myself, and this can of joss sticks which i didn’t see suddenly just appeared and burnt 2 holes in the side of my arm (YES. its not just harmful to the environment, but to humans too) i just LOST IT and i swear i wanted to just burn the whole place down.

today i feared for my grandma. i realized that she never accepted christ. so maybe she’s in hell now. does that actually happen? but she was a good person. :/ still, i don’t see the need to pray for her in the temple.
i can pray for her just fine at home, in church, or anywhere.
perhaps anywhere, except the temple, where my mind gets completely clouded by the smoky fumes that scream “get out, this is a danger zone!”

okay so yeah. bad mood.

thank God it was over pretty fast and i was off to vivo to meet estella

i found a good place to take pictures!

b came down to cheer me up too
so my day ended up being a really good day after all,
what with my fav. pals to make me happy

what happened to us; we feel like strangers from a recent past.

i am rapidly, avidly trying to clear my inbox.
it had about 12 pages of messages, including 50+ unread messages
but i have now cut it to THREE pages. and ZERO unread messages

i know for my phone inbox i need to clear it every few days. haha.

today i felt quite helpless!
i was doing math and i felt so, so low.
and now, i feel like i have this neverending load of work to do,
and i feel like there’s no break in sight.
my life seems to be chunks of 6 months, because i never do get the week holiday in march or september to recharge.

sigh.

i miss last year.
i mss alot of things about last year.
like how i didn’t have to care about school.
life was simpler. it revolved around trying to be happy.
escaping to the rooftop. sitting at the grandstand watching the sky.
i remember going through a donut phase that was fun.
and other silly things. bimbotic things. stupid things.

there’s so many things that will never come again,
but i never realized how much those moments meant to me.
i guess right now, i’m probably letting some prime moments slip by too.

i think i need my sleep to function properly.
so these stupid thoughts, don’t mess up my head.
i guess alot can change in a year,
and i’m just wondering, what’s gonna change one year from now.

Because these things will change.
Can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down.
This revolution, the time will come for us to finally win.
And we’ll sing hallelujah, we’ll sing hallelujah

more than some pretty face, beside a train.

finally, very belated additions of photos on facebook
uploading them is such a PAINNNNN but it’s actually kinda fun too. its called making full use of my digital camera

anyway today was an AWESOME POSSUM day
this week didn’t start off all that well but it’s all okay now and i’m happy and really happy and not worried and just.
HAPPY.
CONTENTED.
and very thankful to God.

my debate seniors made it to the honour roll, zomg. for 8 and 7 distinctions respectively??
and of course the rest did well too and like, i don’t get it how they do better every year so like i don’t know what my batch is supposed to come up with!
dmzx made it to the honour roll too!!!
so basically i’m really proud of all of them and really happy that i didn’t have to deal with crying people.

yes for the MT results too.
b was happy with what he got, madhura too, so yes.
i’m happy cos (almost) everyone around me’s happy

awesome possum day
seeing all the seniors back, made me realize how much i had missed them. like weiwen’s NOISEEEEEEEEE and the rowdy IP boys and the ISL peeps and the debaters and the OGLs and all the people who made last year so awesome.
i guess this year i’ve focused more on my little group of friends, rather than being the-one-who-knows-everyone.
okay but seriously, i was just suddenly like, whoa actually there’s so much to miss.

hmm yeah i guess this year so far has just been pretty decent, with a few really memorable things so far, so like, i guess i’m really happy with what i’ve got now and i’m not living in the past.
i can deal with change. yes.

AHHH VERYY TIREDDDDDDD.
so glad it’s the weekend.
but then again, my week wasn’t that bad.
suddenly, life just seems to be always full of something positive.
(i think that something positive’s you.)

glory, honour, and power, belong to You.

I called, You answered.
and You came to my rescue and I,
wanna be where You are.

our God is a faithful God, who answers our prayers.
who listens.
who loves.
who provides.
who gives, and takes away.
who wants us to go out, and “save one more for Jesus”
who wants us to trust, trust in Him, and trust in the power of the holy spirit.

i want to always feel like this, to feel loved by God, to love God, to trust, to believe without a doubt, and to be grateful for everything that i have, good or bad, knowing that it’s part of God’s plan, something i might not understand now but I’ll be so grateful for one day.

the best things are the ones you wait for,
the ones you suffer for,
and the things that come just at the right time,
and these are all provided for by God -
He has it all planned out already.

and today, as i mark one year of being a christian,
i just want to say that i love God, and i’m not ashamed to admit it.
and from today onwards, i want to help more people love God more and more.
because somewhere out there, there’s someone like me,
who’s waiting, yearning, to be saved.

watching in slow motion, as you turned around and said;

school today was a hard knock back to reality.
and feeling pathetic and unworthy.
i think i’d rather be numb.
i feel very worn out from CNY. feasting and being merry over the past few days have made me fat, again. (need to run, i am just wobbly sigh)

photos, soon. once i get a decent connection ):
(i swear, without my phone, i’d die from a lack of connectivity)
i met a bunch of cute dogs, namely whiskers, biscuit, snowy and hoppy. biscuit and snowy are new additions from last year
and this year, i was less anti-social
less of talking to the dogs and more of talking to the people.
partially cos i also met cool people and had fun talking to them and playing card games.

i can’t wait to turn 18 !!! its 137 days away. (i have a countdown timer on my dashboard)

orientation next week YAY life is good. even if it isn’t a bed of roses right now, it’ll get better with my favourite time of the year