consuming fire, fan into flame a passion for Your name.

“If you do not listen, and if you do not set your heart to honor my name,” says the LORD Almighty, “I will send a curse upon you, and I will curse your blessings. Yes, I have already cursed them, because you have not set your heart to honor me.”

Malachi 2:2 (New International Version)

this is my fear, and also my comfort.
it has been an awful, awful week so full of tears, betrayals, realizations about how some people just don’t care, but i’ve also realized who are my true friends, who are the people who truly love me, care for me, and just want the best for me, and don’t lie to me or harm me or anything, and i’m so grateful to God for that.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)

i am mildly worried about my future, because i don’t know if what i want is what God wants for me, but i KNOW with CERTAINTY that everything will fall in place, according to God’s plan, which will unveil itself eventually.
but this weekend has been time out with God, i love my church and i love praise & worship cos i t always makes me realize stuff and the worship music is so so good!
one day i wanna be the one on that stage, choosing songs to sing, and making a change in the people attending the service. the songs really do matter, and today the songs had the same message over and over again in many different ways, just about how glorious God is, just about praising Him, wholeheartedly.

God is awesome, and God is sovereign over everything.
If we lean on Him, we know we can trust Him.

i haven’t been leaning, or trusting God enough lately,
it’s time to go back to really living my faith and not just proclaiming it.

when You said that it is done;

-woke up early to go for bible study class at b’s church (thank God it’s nearby) but it was worth it. i actually enjoy studying the bible. and i actually learnt some really important lesson
-my heels gave me the most horrible blisters!
-lunch with daddy
-service was more important lessons. i realize i’ve been drifting away from God, and it’s now time to buck that trend.

-5KM RUN!! decided to go sort out my thoughts. the run itself wasn’t that good – 35 mins to run 5km is ohkay. i should be doing a 30. then again i haven’t been running, and over the next fortnight i shall attempt to change that!
-after my run, had some really good QT in some field which was somehow empty and was very conducive.

i’ve faltered but it’s time to go back to God now.

easy to say, not easy to follow.

something worth thinking about.

He who is not content with what he has will not be content with what he wants.

If you don’t have peace and joy right now where you are in your life, please understand that getting more things will not give you contentment. Instead, you need to seek God, because He is the source of true contentment. Then, once you have established God as the source of your contentment, you can be content in any and every situation.
-

there’s always more. its never enough. 2nd isn’t good enough beause it’s not first, an A isn’t good enough because it’s been scraped, barely, and trim & fit isn’t good enough because it’s not skinny.

sometimes i struggle with myself, and wonder if the problem is from me, from my own discontentment, or because honestly, that particular thing just doesn’t match up.

i guess. i’ve been seeking the wrong things all along.

I don’t think I’ll ever come back down.

ooooh today was so good
this has been such a good week!!

school today was so freaking pointless. don’t know why i went, especially since i am so badly in neeed of sleep.
BUTTTTT rushed off after school, went to suki sushi in cine with b!
AND ATE SUPERRRR ALOT OMGGGG. until i was supperrrrr contented ahaha
i think we made a loss though :X cos didn’t eat enough. AHWELL.
nevermind, the food was good. better than sakae.

one day i’m gonna starve myself till i’m famished and go for the RP carousel buffet. the tea time buffet (of just cakes) is 28++ so i think the lunch one is gonna be superrr alot. ahwell.

this week has been ALOT (far too much, actually) OF EATING!!
but still, FUNNNN

then went to watch 17 again with suzy!
IT’S SUCH A GOOD SHOW OMGOSH.
even if you ignore zac efron’s heartbreakingly perfect good looks, his acting is impeccable and he is set for a future in showbiz man. he is really good.
he managed to realistically portray an old man in a young person’s body.

that side, PLOT was really, really realistic, except for the part where he transforms into a 17 year old and back again but even then it’s done in an acceptable manner i guess. but alot of stuff is clearly explained and hihgly logical. which is a pleasure to watch.
the movie made me think about love, about whether there’s such a thing as love at first sight, whether love really lasts,

and whether you really can marry someone and be contented; live together happily ever after. – the society in which we love in no longer respects the sanctity of marriage in this day and age.
but its good to see it, even in the movies, people willing to hold on to marraige, to try to make things work even when it seems like all hope is gone.

i’m still trying to decide what is the point of love – falling for someone whom you think is perfect, and Living with everything, everything the person does because that person is just right for you in every way (i have come to find that as a highly unrealistic pov. everyone has bad days)… or to try to change yourself, change the person you love, trying to make things work out.

if its the latter, then how will we ever know who’s the one?
the one who can change the most?
and when, when do you decide that changing is too much, that things are just not working out?
is patience all that it takes?

i guess. i’ll figure it out as it goes along.
right now i just thank God for every new day that comes, thank God for everything.

” In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. “
(Psalms 62:7-8)

i was inspired by the above verse, one week ago, in a treehouse in VJ, waiting for midcs to start.
the feeling of peace and serenity that i had there, away from the world, is one of things i wish i could have everyday.

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that’s when i love you.

HELLO WORLD, I AM BLOGGING FROM VIETNAM.

it has been awesome here
my worries were completely unreasonable and unfounded because it is really fun here and i remembered how much i like pho and i really enjoy getting to use my rusty vietnamese again!

i think i might secretly have the potential to be a linguist because i love languages and i think i might be good at it. or it might just be alot of exposure to vietnamese! HAHA.

my buddy is really nice and her house has TWO CATS AND A DOG.
i am secretly in heaven.
oh and today i rode a motorbike, a trishaw and saw horses and buffaloes. i saw a buffalo CLOSE UP and i think i’m quite n00b but i was gonna touch it (cos its the first time im seeing one i think) but everyone was like “it’s dirty” so i stayed away heh.
i also squealed alot. at animals. i think the animal lover in me has been dormant (or rather restricted), limited only to my kittybaby at home and sparky. so now, i am AWAKENED. haha.
okay but i still prefer the ones at home. they look (and presumably smell) better.

tomorrow we (the humanities scholars) have to PERFORM in front of the whole school and i feel quite unprepared BUT ahwell i shall have to just TRUST God that everything will turn out fine.

i am actually really happy here except that it is awfully cold but thankfully gill lent me her cardigan today so with that,plus my jacket, i felt just about okay.
i am now in my SOLID sunburst youth camp jacket which is really, really good at keeping me warm even though it’s a BRIGHT shade of orange and thus unfashionable to wear out sadly.

ho chi minh was never this cold when i went there! so hopefully, when we get there in a few days time,it’ll be nice and warm.

till then, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

-

and to you, you know who you are,
it’s been one very amazing month,
<3.
its been happy times, good times,
fun times, crazy times,
and i see more to come.

and for that, and much more,
i thank God.

glory, honour, and power, belong to You.

I called, You answered.
and You came to my rescue and I,
wanna be where You are.

our God is a faithful God, who answers our prayers.
who listens.
who loves.
who provides.
who gives, and takes away.
who wants us to go out, and “save one more for Jesus”
who wants us to trust, trust in Him, and trust in the power of the holy spirit.

i want to always feel like this, to feel loved by God, to love God, to trust, to believe without a doubt, and to be grateful for everything that i have, good or bad, knowing that it’s part of God’s plan, something i might not understand now but I’ll be so grateful for one day.

the best things are the ones you wait for,
the ones you suffer for,
and the things that come just at the right time,
and these are all provided for by God -
He has it all planned out already.

and today, as i mark one year of being a christian,
i just want to say that i love God, and i’m not ashamed to admit it.
and from today onwards, i want to help more people love God more and more.
because somewhere out there, there’s someone like me,
who’s waiting, yearning, to be saved.

You’ll come, let your glory fall as You respond to us

at the start of last year, i had a few things i really wanted:
-the humanities scholarship
-to become a better debater
-to represent singapore in debates, or at least get invited to the audition for the national team
-to get a H3
-to be an OGL in 2009
-to have best friends who’d understand everything that i’m going through, to keep me sane, and who’d make everything okay.

a year ago, my heart skipped a beat when i received the sms notification from the HOD of humanities that i was the recipient of the humanities scholarship.

the next day, i formally accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour.
my life’s been an uphill since then, and i’ve managed to get everything, all that i’ve ever asked for.
and i thank God.
it’s nothing to do with whether or not i’m capable or not, but that all my efforts came to fruition, that i had unexpected opportunities and experienced miracles, that’s all God’s work in my life.

without God, i would still be one of those lost sheep that the guest pastor was talking about today at youth.
but everything, going to a convent school, then going to NJ and having christian best friends, this has all been part of God’s plan to shape me into the person He wants me to be.

and right now, i am just so, so blessed with amazing people around me who strengthen my faith everyday.
and i’ve realized that faith, that getting closer to God, is not and cannot be a one-off thing, but it’s something you must do constantly and consistently. the same way you choose to keep up your closer friendships with constant renewal, because “You (God) are my friend and You are my brother, even though You are a king” (taken from “You are my all in all”).

as i go one big step closer to God,
i find this a really apt timing because one year of being a christian, and truly trying to be a person for Christ and for others (as STC’s motto goes), i’ve finally realized the importance of evangelism, and i don’t know how, but i pray for the courage to spread God’s message. and for the strength to be a good testimony for all He’s done for me, and for all He’s blessed me with.

I LOVE GOD!!!!!!!!!
and i’m not ashamed to admit it.

-

oh and on another note, road run today (LAST TIME FOREVERRRRRRRRR) and i managed to run pretty fast, i think. like 20mins for 3.6km. i remember i ran 4km the day i got my humanities scholarship in a record timing as well, that was also around 20 mins. i like such parallels.
and. yeah ahaha i didn’t actually want to run at first, i was really grouchy about going to school early too, but i watched everyone run and seem so happy about it, and then when everyone around me started running my feet took off and i ran… until i reached the slopes, where i walked. HAHAH. but it was still good fun

then OG outing to LJS at PS, then we went camwhoring at Istana Park

today was an absolutely awesome day
even though, courtesy of a midnight conversation to cheer me up, i slept only 4 hours! and i currently have an on-off migraine ):
but yeah, life’s good when you have God in your life.

something’s gotta give.

i made it to school on time this morning
i think being a debater is a very integral part of who i am, and what i go to school for.
and i guess, i’ve learnt to strike the balance between being argumentative and arguing for the sake of it.

i am actually enjoying school, just that waking up early is a bane that i seriously could do without. also, dangerous mood swings when i’m stressed =X

junior’s debate today went…well it wasn’t a fabulous debate but i thought they did well and deserved to win (narrowly). but they didn’t, so nevermind.

tonight i went down to chinatown!! all the red & gold. took lots of photos
really tired now from all that walking, but it’s good exercise

tomorrow is friday, and then it’s the… WEEKEND! whooots.

-

and every night i miss you, i can just look up
and now the stars are holding you, holding you, holding you tonight.

soon.

i guess i’ve learnt it the hard, painful, tearful way, that you should treasure what you’ve got in front of you, especially the friendships.
sigh.

even if we’re miles and miles apart.

i have a new phone!!!!!!!!! its the nokia e71 and it isn’t the dream phone i wanted but  it’s got what i wanted in the dream phone. so i guess i’m just really lucky!! it’s a gift from my cousin
i guess good stuff is worth waiting for;
I’ve been wanting an e series phone since last year! i actually wanted the e65 but this’ll do.
and it’s coming just in time too
i’m completely helpless trying to figure out to to sync it with my iBook though.

today youth was good. really good.
3 things i want to note.

1. Shout to the Lord!revel
we just sang for about 1 and 1/2 hours, just praised God and i was able to lift my hands up and praise Him and that was very spiritually uplifiting for me, because i don’t always dare to just raise my hands up even if i want to.
i jumped during “one way” – i think it’s one of the most happening songs.
and then i wondered if my enthusiasm for just because i love music in general, or if it’s for God.
so i thought about the lyrics i was singing, instead of just appreciating the music, and i realized that i meant what i sang, and that the words i sang did ring true for me.
some people find it a barrier to shout out loud and to praise God, but i don’t. the difference is that my confidence comes not from an unwavering belief (for i do falter) but my own personality.
i guess what to learn from this is to try to use this to inspire others to sing, shout, jump!
because there are a whole infinity of reasons for us to be ENTHUSIASTIC in praise

2. good things are worth waiting for.
NJ debate stands testamant to that – we waited 10 years for us to reach the grand finals, and 3 years of JG A div to reach 3rd/4th placing. and when we did reach it, it felt so good because it wasn’t something that “always happened” and hence we treasured it more, we worked out butts of harder for it. i personally feel that i stand testamant to that as well; after 2 years of failure in debates, this year i finally made it, and the past failures result in my humility to what i’ve achieved, as well as encourage me to treasure whatever success i get, and thank God for it.
sometimes it’s tough waiting, especially for impatient people like me, but i’ve learnt that the wait is worth it, so we should just entrust the worries and anxieties into God’s hands.

3. the importance of evangelism.
i’ve always been very jaded at the thought of evangelism, always a cynic about it.
but today i realized the importance of it, and why everyone harps on it.
Jesus died on the cross to save us, an undeserving people, who stoned Him when He did us no wrong, and for every person who knows who he is, that’s another reason that justified His cruxifiction.
think of it as a moral dilemma; will you kill one person to save 2? maybe not.
but if it’s one person to save 100, it’s more justified. and the more people you’re saving, the more justified the death.
He has already died, so all we can do is to make sure that His death was worth it.
i don’t know if i’m strong enough to preach to others, i don’t even know if the above thought is “correct”, but if i can strengthen the faith of other Christians, that is good enough for me.
(which is why i’ve posted my thoughts up here, in the hope that other Christians will feel similarly inspired!)

-

went out for dinner with dad after youth, did abit of shopping of sorts so now we each have a 4gb sandisk thumbdrive!
i conked out last night and slept through mum unsuccesfully waking me up, so my YLTC packing is stilll… undone. and i haven’t hit 30k for nanowrimo yet, although i’ve cleared 27k quite comfortably already.