when You said that it is done;

-woke up early to go for bible study class at b’s church (thank God it’s nearby) but it was worth it. i actually enjoy studying the bible. and i actually learnt some really important lesson
-my heels gave me the most horrible blisters!
-lunch with daddy
-service was more important lessons. i realize i’ve been drifting away from God, and it’s now time to buck that trend.

-5KM RUN!! decided to go sort out my thoughts. the run itself wasn’t that good – 35 mins to run 5km is ohkay. i should be doing a 30. then again i haven’t been running, and over the next fortnight i shall attempt to change that!
-after my run, had some really good QT in some field which was somehow empty and was very conducive.

i’ve faltered but it’s time to go back to God now.

cause there’s a crack in his plastic crown

whenever i think of something i need to do, i add it to my list of notes on my handphone. this list has now become really long, and its full of stuff i procrastinate and therefore not do, or honestly forget to do.

OKAY and sometimes, i might just brood too much.
would like to describe my current state of mind as “deeply troubled”.
which means its time to escape from a otherwise rather happy (for once) reality until the problem goes away.
(and just when i thought everything was over, shelved that chapter away, but oh no apparently i was wrong. the chapter doesn’t want to shut itself.)
or when the problem is solved.

feel abit like a snail.

shall go watch pushing daisies and be happy

ran like, 1.6km today. ahh. need to run more ):

As we walked we were talking and I didn’t say half the things I wanted to.

FER CAME DOWN TO NJ TODAY
absolute awesomeness. made my (otherwise quite lousy) day
we watched the acjc vs dhs soccer match. and soccer is actually quite interesting.

today, i really wished i could redo last year.
i’d go watch the soccer nationals. i’d go watch the softball nationals.
i’d do my math homework.
i’d… treasure what i’ve got in front of me.

i guess i need to be contented. stop being so picky. overanalytical.
but sometimes, i want to be contented too, but i don’t think it’s just my fault :/

SIGH.
i am so tired that i keep falling asleep! and i am such a BUM.
i am going to sleep early so i can stop feeling so tired.
i think a lack of sleep SEVERELY affects my emotional state ):

okay but i know this – next year, i dont wanna regret what i’ve done this year.

on another note, 2.4km run today was ohkay. i ran under 14
but its a not very good timing. 13mins 50 seconds which is a deprovement from last year, but still good considering that i havent really been running.
i miss running.
maybe the lack of exercise is screwing up my brain.

the bottle saved my life.

i have joined the rungs of camwhores with over 1,000 tagged pictures on facebook.
i think i could have joined it earlier if people weren’t so lazy to tag. especially considering how i think some of my photos are conveniently left untagged cos i’m just too lazy. heh.

i am… kinda glad it’s friday. at least, i see some sleep in sight.
but every week just fades into another and it’s just. not fun.

pe today was horrid. running 2.4km in the scorching 2pm sun after many weeks of inactivity in 15 minutes (which is a bad timing for me) has given me backache! grrr.

i think the lack of sleep is really, really starting to affect me.
on the bright side, cough and flu’s starting to look better WHEE!

went out with suzy today felt good to just hang out after so long.
i haven’t been to raffles city in aaaaaggggeees.
and i haven’t had donuts in forever either.

maybe that’s what’s wrong.
life should be simple. like a box of glazed donuts.

You’ll come, let your glory fall as You respond to us

at the start of last year, i had a few things i really wanted:
-the humanities scholarship
-to become a better debater
-to represent singapore in debates, or at least get invited to the audition for the national team
-to get a H3
-to be an OGL in 2009
-to have best friends who’d understand everything that i’m going through, to keep me sane, and who’d make everything okay.

a year ago, my heart skipped a beat when i received the sms notification from the HOD of humanities that i was the recipient of the humanities scholarship.

the next day, i formally accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour.
my life’s been an uphill since then, and i’ve managed to get everything, all that i’ve ever asked for.
and i thank God.
it’s nothing to do with whether or not i’m capable or not, but that all my efforts came to fruition, that i had unexpected opportunities and experienced miracles, that’s all God’s work in my life.

without God, i would still be one of those lost sheep that the guest pastor was talking about today at youth.
but everything, going to a convent school, then going to NJ and having christian best friends, this has all been part of God’s plan to shape me into the person He wants me to be.

and right now, i am just so, so blessed with amazing people around me who strengthen my faith everyday.
and i’ve realized that faith, that getting closer to God, is not and cannot be a one-off thing, but it’s something you must do constantly and consistently. the same way you choose to keep up your closer friendships with constant renewal, because “You (God) are my friend and You are my brother, even though You are a king” (taken from “You are my all in all”).

as i go one big step closer to God,
i find this a really apt timing because one year of being a christian, and truly trying to be a person for Christ and for others (as STC’s motto goes), i’ve finally realized the importance of evangelism, and i don’t know how, but i pray for the courage to spread God’s message. and for the strength to be a good testimony for all He’s done for me, and for all He’s blessed me with.

I LOVE GOD!!!!!!!!!
and i’m not ashamed to admit it.

-

oh and on another note, road run today (LAST TIME FOREVERRRRRRRRR) and i managed to run pretty fast, i think. like 20mins for 3.6km. i remember i ran 4km the day i got my humanities scholarship in a record timing as well, that was also around 20 mins. i like such parallels.
and. yeah ahaha i didn’t actually want to run at first, i was really grouchy about going to school early too, but i watched everyone run and seem so happy about it, and then when everyone around me started running my feet took off and i ran… until i reached the slopes, where i walked. HAHAH. but it was still good fun

then OG outing to LJS at PS, then we went camwhoring at Istana Park

today was an absolutely awesome day
even though, courtesy of a midnight conversation to cheer me up, i slept only 4 hours! and i currently have an on-off migraine ):
but yeah, life’s good when you have God in your life.

sometimes it just feels better to give in.

19.01.07
that was 2 years ago. (this post comes one day late.)

as yet unnamed.

you know, there are certain events that change your life.
or those that form a cornerstone to the person you are.
this, was one of them for me.

yesterday was one of those good days.
i’ve been having alot of them good days.
not perfect, but then again no day is ever perfect.
honestly, i think i’m just so, so blessed.

hung out with estella and had serious talks,
dinner with B,
and to top it all off, a 3.2km run (:
my timing was bad, but it felt good to run.
it kinda feels good to have aching legs right now, too.

today was a not-so-good day.
my lit h3 proposal was rejected and i think i’m screwed up, big time.
yeah and right now i could cry just thinking about the numerous things i’ve to do. i could seriously promise myself never to procrastinate again, but then it wouldn’t work.

yeah but i guess i’ve realized alot of things over the past few days.
i’ve talked about alot of things that were troubling me, and thought about important stuff i was running away from.

cny is coming soon! but suddenly, i’m not so excited anymore. :X
i wish it was like, another few weeks away.

thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt

i have a new thing for sum 41.

i went running today. thought abit about my past week. it’s been relatively devoid of anything worth crying over, last week’s problems seem not to matter anymore, and basically i’ve had quite a good week (more of slack. PW seems very, very far away) so i wasn’t trying to run awawy from anything today. that made my run a little poor, especially since i haven’t run in a week.maybe it’s time to run for running, and not because i’m trying to run away.

some days feels normal, some days it feels insane
some runs are good, some runs are bad
but sometimes, it doesn’t matter
nothing matters except moments.

i’m at a point in time where i have time to think about what i want, who i want to be.
think about what moulds people to become the person they are.
realize what’s important, and what’s not, and how to strike a balance.
and at the same time, i have mounting deadlines i need to start meeting.
at least nanowrimo is going fine; i’m at 15,000 (out of 50,000).

i’m also trying to learn how to take good pictures. i’m edging, very slowly, towards that

but i don’t mind; as long as there’s a bed beneath the stars that shine.

nanowrimo starts tmrw! then i’ll have 30 days (only 25 at the computer though) to write a full-length novel of 50,000 words. sounds absolutely amazing and i’m not sure how i’m gonna do it!

i finished watching shark and then moved on to (surprise, surprise) gossip girl.
it’s addictive but i’d still prefer shark/pushing daisies/alias anytime.
except that i’ve finished shark and alias (gonna watch alias again when my DVDs come back) and i’ve watched all of pushing daisies that’s available for now.
so i ended up sleeping at like 5am, woke up at 1plus and lazed around,
then went down to PS and bought my very pricey capri pants from espirit, but it’s worth it

i think i need to do more shopping soon.

came home and went running… and it was really terrible today i walked most of the 8km because i just seriously couldn’t run anymore. i think i had too heavy a lunch i feel terribly unfit now hopefully, this is just one off.

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.

(<3, if you see this)

memories.

have been thinking much about the past lately.
whether it’s as recent as BM, or distant nightmares, or the somewhere-in-between lower sec life where braiding friendship bands used to be our favourite pastime. i doubt any of us still braids, even i just do it on the sides and lately i’ve started again and i realize that i’ve forgotten some of the old patterns.

last night was quite fabulous;
bustling around preparing a nice big prezzie, and baking with mum, and satay for supper!
it was the first time i have ever baked (or rather just assisted in the baking since mum wouldn’t dare leave me alone with the oven because i’m a fire hazard) so for those lucky people who got to try the brownies today, appreciate it! (cause i am so not baking again for a long, long time.)
stayed up till 2, in between sampling the fresh brownies and watching shark.

research proposal finished & handed in; but i think i missed the deadline :/
i&r remains undone. (tonight!)

went to school for a short while today, gwen braided my hair very nicely but my hair is too layered for that style, sadly. although i like that style!

then went to visit mum. came home. went for a run which was decent, gave a shorter route cos i had last minute musical rehearsal, which went okay. (my stamina’s improving!)
but there were a few exhilarating parts of my run/jog i broke into a sprint of sorts, where i could really feel the wind hard in my face, where i felt like i was going against the wind and ….

that felt really good.

and going down this slope was amazing. i felt like i was pocahontas in that scene where she sprints until she leaps off the cliff like an eagle, and to close my eyes while running down a slope was scary, but i got a high when i opened my eyes and saw the ground rushing up at me,

all in less than a minute.

i may not be a very good runner (especially after one week of not running, my calves were screaming pain in the middle of the run after my sprints of sorts), but i definitely enjoy it.

-

two very crazy and very happy people

bm days were da bomb.

what hurts the most is being so close the distance
and having so much to say, and watching you walk away

as much as i like the airport, i cannot face the departure hall because i have had too many sad goodbyes there.

i think i’m a little too sentimental.

so darken your clothes, or strike a violent pose, maybe they’ll leave you alone, but not me.

i love my chemical romance’s teenagers!!!!!!!!!!!!

so this morning i ran another 8km (my 2nd for this week) and once again, in around 50 minutes! which i have come to realize is a good run, so YAY

i love running <3 i think soon, it’ll become second nature. where i live to feel my feet fly off the ground, and perhaps as i go on my feet will go faster and faster until one day it really will feel like flying.

last night i started crying for no reason, and i talked to grace until i felt better, and to top it all off i had ice cream. i think ice cream (like chocolate and to some extent, yoghurt) is my comfort food and then i watched pocahontas which was a BIG MISTAKE because the ending isn’t a happy one! pocahontas must bid goodbye to john smith, and in part 2 pocahontas decides to choose some other guy instead so the whole story becomes… yeah just bad.

okay but after that whole episode, and my excellent run this morning, i’m ready to leave my decent but somewhat disappointing promotional results behind… with the realization that i can now add running to the very short list of things that i would sacrifice my sleep for.
and also, i’m very thankful to nush and grace and dmzxz for trying to make me feel better (and succeeding at it), and for understanding when i expected no one to sympathise.

good things happened today; i think i truly have alot to live for, and alot to be grateful for.
i think running always puts things in perspective for me, somehow.
and of course God always puts things in my life to remind me that things aren’t as bad as i make them out to be.

off to grace’s soon for our very belated sleepover!!
open day tmrw looks set to be hectic (for me) although i don’t think there’ll be much of a crowd!

on a random note, i can’t believe i have to convince my juniors to join debating excellence program aka DEP, one of the things that has changed my life immensely, and for the better.
if i had a chance, i would go back this year and go through the entire training again, because DEP was truly one of the best experiences i’ve ever had in my life, and one of the high points of my debating career.
in fact, i could say i took off because DEP gave me faith in myself, and skills to boot.
i don’t think my juniors will see this, but i really hope that all of them at least apply and give it a shot, and that they’ll make it in.
i miss my DEP days ):