that’s when i love you.

HELLO WORLD, I AM BLOGGING FROM VIETNAM.

it has been awesome here
my worries were completely unreasonable and unfounded because it is really fun here and i remembered how much i like pho and i really enjoy getting to use my rusty vietnamese again!

i think i might secretly have the potential to be a linguist because i love languages and i think i might be good at it. or it might just be alot of exposure to vietnamese! HAHA.

my buddy is really nice and her house has TWO CATS AND A DOG.
i am secretly in heaven.
oh and today i rode a motorbike, a trishaw and saw horses and buffaloes. i saw a buffalo CLOSE UP and i think i’m quite n00b but i was gonna touch it (cos its the first time im seeing one i think) but everyone was like “it’s dirty” so i stayed away heh.
i also squealed alot. at animals. i think the animal lover in me has been dormant (or rather restricted), limited only to my kittybaby at home and sparky. so now, i am AWAKENED. haha.
okay but i still prefer the ones at home. they look (and presumably smell) better.

tomorrow we (the humanities scholars) have to PERFORM in front of the whole school and i feel quite unprepared BUT ahwell i shall have to just TRUST God that everything will turn out fine.

i am actually really happy here except that it is awfully cold but thankfully gill lent me her cardigan today so with that,plus my jacket, i felt just about okay.
i am now in my SOLID sunburst youth camp jacket which is really, really good at keeping me warm even though it’s a BRIGHT shade of orange and thus unfashionable to wear out sadly.

ho chi minh was never this cold when i went there! so hopefully, when we get there in a few days time,it’ll be nice and warm.

till then, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

-

and to you, you know who you are,
it’s been one very amazing month,
<3.
its been happy times, good times,
fun times, crazy times,
and i see more to come.

and for that, and much more,
i thank God.

the rules remain a mystery; see it can be easy.

FINALLY at 3, TCF!

so i was really lucky today i walked into school JUST as the uncle was about to close the side gate!! despite waking up late, i made it to school JUST in time. phew.
then, history consold, where i scored 4/6 for a test i didn’t study for whoohoo.

then went out to suntec, and then marina and then esplanade and back and forth between these few places before dinner at the suntec fountain terrace, more shopping (!!) and dessert of ice cream and a brownie. then the long walk to PS from raffles city, and then to wisma and finally to the shaw bus stop.

yeah today was just alot of eating and alot of shopping; went into 5 giordanos (!!) without buying anything zomg. i swear, i will go into a big shopping spree once promos end and i feel less broke. haha but went into 2 royal sporting houses and ended up with a rather nice puma shirt from one of them! and then bought my earphones (finally!!) from HMV.

i feel quite guilty for blowing over 50 bucks today because this means i’m BROKE and the month just started ?? ahhh. ):

okay but other than that, today was really fun and RANDOM with lots of walking ahaha. i swear, once promos are over i will run more… and for longer too

i feel quite contented now, new earphones are pretty nice even though i miss my old spectacular audio technica ones but this samsung one is actually quite good too! not very noise-cancelling though
when i grow up and get rich i’m going to invest in the $200++ audio technica/sennheiser noise-cancelling earphones and take super good care of it so it’ll never spoil. (but since i’m rich, even if it does spoil, it won’t hurt as much as saving up now JUST FOR a pair of earphones would.)

okay but i really, really hope that this pair of earphones don’t spoil !!

-

and on a quieter, more emo note.
today marked a month but i don’t think it matters anymore.
i wonder if you’ll ever know how much you meant to me.
but i’m glad that we’re still friends (i hope).
(:

this is the way that we love — like it’s forever.

today was a really long day.

couldn’t get to sleep till really late, but crawled out this morning anyway to go for dance class, which was pretty fun. i’m looking forward to our year-end recital ! TODAY WAS GOOD because i managed to do a perfect pirouette, and unwittingly tried a double and it wasn’t perfect but it was a good start. blisters on my feet hurt like mad though.

lunch was subway then math va meeting was canceled so my afternoon was suddenly free and i decided to go check out cotton on, and ended up buying 2 pairs of shorts and a pair of flipflops that are really really nice and i spent like a total of 25 bucks cos like the shorts were 10 bucks each. ii love cotton on man.

went off for youth, met nush and i dunno, today i think i was just really unfocused. the sermon was something about why you should follow the rules. it all made very logical sense, but yet i was still questioning, rationalizing, analyzing. i’m not sure if i’m doubting or just going through a tough time. where it’s just so hard to trust and i feel so far away from God. it’s no wonder why i’m just feeling so frustrated. the worst part is that i’m not very sure what’s wrong either, and i’m just… stuck in the middle. like, i’m grateful to God and all for everything that’s been given, but i’m selfishly wanting more. and i know it’s selfish, but not getting it… i guess i’m just like some spoilt brat who’s having a fit cos she didn’t get what she want. but that’s not really it either. because i was willing to accept all of this before. i don’t know what’s changed now

rushed off after youth to get home, change and head out to ACJC for Restless V which was really really good !

ESTHER I’M REALLY PROUD OF YOU !

(i am so going for restless VI next year.)

the ACJC home crowd is amazing, they cheer so so much. not as in, cheering with words but just whoops and calls. and yeah, they’re super enthu. and super noisy but not in an irritating manner, like they still have concert etiquette and all, they’re just very.. passionate. so are the dancers. the joy of being on stage is just brimming for them, it’s so amazing.

got me thinking-

i had a pang of regret when i walked in to ACJC – it felt like a second home even though i’ve been there less than half a dozen times. but what really hit me after the performance was… that my biggest regret in life isn’t applying to NJ (because i would have been contented in staying in STC then heading to my dream schools, ACSIB or ACJC) but that i gave up ballet.

the best dancer is not the one who enjoys it the most, or the one who can do the most difficult steps, but the one who can do any step and make it look easy, can do any step effortlessly, and most of all, stir up the passion in you to want to emulate her. there was one AC dancer who was in nearly every single performance – she was a ballerina, i learnt later she’d been dancing for 11 years and she was just amazing.

i’ve been dancing for 12 or 13 years i’m not quite sure, out of which 11 were spent tap dancing. if i had stayed on in ballet, that would be 12 or 13 years of ballet.

but i doubt i’d have ever been one of the best dancers. somehow, i just lack that gentleness. i didn’t even manage gymnastics for more than a term. so much for aiming for the Olympics as i used to.

i’ve always been tall, so everyone primed me for netball, my primary school’s niche, and encouraged me into ballet and gymnastics. but i’ve always been terribly intent on getting what i want, and i was never really interested in dedicating my entire life to training, be it for netball or for ballet or gymnastics. maybe someone should have forced me for a longer time. maybe it wasn’t so good to be so good at shrugging anything off, anything at all.

no one thought of putting me in chinese dance, or track. with chinese dance fusing the core values of dance that i go through in tap, as well as elements of ballet, somehow i don’t think i’d have minded it so much. and i’ve realized that tall, skinny dancers have the graceful look even without much effort, and i’ve realized that it looks so good. no wonder they tried to stop me from quitting ballet and gymnastics. i think they figured i’d grow to be tall. and not fat. even though i was a chubby kid. and after discovering my love for running last year, suddenly this year i wondered why no one ever thought of putting me in track. my parents say that as a kid i hated running. somehow i think this is true — i remember doing terribly for 1.6km runs.

debates was the only thing that no one ever suggested to me, and the one thing i’ve always wanted to do. i guess good debaters don’t have any physical characteristics you can identify them by. but i love it still. (:

emo notes aside, i really need to start packing for SMUN.

while she wishes she was a dancer, & that she’d never heard of cancer

grit.

i think i’ve got lots of it, but i’ll need more if i’m gonna finish the remaining 10 chapters for math. i can barely do differentiation and i wonder if something’s knocked the sense out of my brains.

i need to get well so i can go running again. i’m eating too much, growing fat and flabby even though the weighhing scale reflects a loss in weight, not gain.

i miss dancing, and one week later i’m still as sick as ever. okay i feel better and generally can survive, but the cough just isn’t going away and that sucks. the weather was perfect for a run today, but it’s hard to run when you have phlegm constricting your chest. the same phlegm i was trying to cough out, and in the process, nearly puked out my breakfast too.

not a nice feeling. i wish the medicine would take effect faster, omg.

today was good.

GP lecture was actually educational, hung out with nush after that and did math to much failure, went out with estella after that eventually ended up at popular/harris at suntec and bought over 20 bucks worth of stuff. 20% off storewide meant that the 20plus bucks covered 12 highlighters so i no longer have an excuse NOT to study history, 4 uniball signo pens to encourage me to write more, and a 8pen set collection of 0.38 pens i’m gonna use for lit annotations.

went back to school for SMUN. i’ve officially given up hope of being awarded the best delegate, and maybe even being shortlisted for it is asking for too much. and i know there’s a negative chance that my school’s gonna be awarded any awards as a delegation. i also miss debating, very much ): i think i prefer the debates floor to the SMUN floor — the former requires less examples, and more logic

being sick sucks though, it deprives you of one of the basic enjoyments in life, mainly that of enjoying an ice cream with your friends. i was tempted today, not once but twice, and i nearly said “oh heck it i’ll just have it!” when, before i could respond, i broke into a fit of coughs again and realized i should stop playing around with my health.

i finished GP VA last night feel extremely achieved. rest of the week looks better than i thought it would too.

I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY NEED TO GET WELL. and maybe get a math tutor too. ):

i love david cook — innocent and billie jean were, once again, resounding in my head today.

turn your face away, from the garish light of day.

so… today i spent the day out & about, instead of staying home to sleep and get well. the result? i’m still sick, with a blocked nose and a chesty cough, and a headache. i think this means i should sleep early tonight.

but it’s okay, because i had a fabulous day today spending my time out around town with fer! suffered through 2 hours of history whilst my nose decided to unblock itself, and when i finally blew out all the gross stuff, my cough started again. ):

then went down to peninsular to meet fer, somehow with the prospect of going out i didn’t feel so sick haha. then after sending our jeans in to be tailored to become skinny jeans we went down to far east for lunch, then shopped arouund far east. i’m quite happy i bought a pair of earrings (someone once asked me if i’m a bags or a shoes kinda person. i think i’m a earrings kinda person. after all, i have a total of 8 ear piercings to fill) and 2 new belts (one in striking orange and another in earth brown) and then later on fer and i walked to wisma and shared the cost for a nice formal looking top. QUITE COOL I FEEL VERY ACHIEVED. and i didn’t even spend all that much ahah.

headed home, had a super big dinner. after today, i conclude that i’m growing fat, and i need to stop eating (despite being sick and having trouble eating, snacks have still managed to find their way to me) and start getting well so i can like, go running and stop being so fat. ):

i am going to sleep early tonight, i am so tired zomg and i haven’t even taken the medicine that’s supposed to make me drowsy! sudoku pwns, btw.

I NEED TO START STUDYING I REALIZE I KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT THE 15 TOPICS I’M SUPPOSED TO STUDY FOR HISTORY. AND THAT’S JUST 1/4 OF THE SUBJECTS I TAKE. OMG OMG OMG. ):

do you even know you’ve met me?

mm subway rocks. had the special offer meal today which is totally the best meal ever, a 6-inch ham sub which is delicious (bread has never tasted this good) comes with 2 cookies (and subway cookies are like the bestest) topped with a bottle of diet coke (which actually keeps me awake without too many calories) so yes it’s not exactly the healthiest meal i could get but it’s definitely delicous. yumyum

so yes, my new diet plan officially starts tomorrow. i have to stop bingeing and eating so much i’m really getting flabby even though the weighing scale doesn’t show it and i can’t afford to put on any more weight. (and nowadays i’m always too tired to run pfft.) actually it’s not really a diet plan, i’m just planning to watch what i eat instead of just taking in high calorie, low energy value food. =x

today i was quite happy although i’m very broke now cause i blew quite a bit on various things in the form of presents which i’ve just finished wrapping. it’s gonna be worth it cos i think i bought the right stuff I THINK I SHALL RUN TOMORROW DURING PE. to avoid doing incline pull up training since i’m bound to fail ahahah and to actually start the week off well.

-

on a random note i’ve realize that this is the year where i make it good; where past sacrifices come through, and where i get to do what i love to.

as much as i’m not exactly one of the more dramatic debaters around, i am an avid fan of drama and i love the stage myself. and suddenly this thing called Bridging Minds pops up and it’s some debate tournament that presents itself as a drama. sounds cool right? and i actually made it past the auditions so i get to represent singapore in this cross-cultural exchange with brunei i’m looking forward to it very very very much. i’m not sure if i’ve mentioned it before but yeah, here it is and it’s organized by the MOE + Mediacorp although it’s nothing like The Arena.

so let’s go on to my other love in a similar aspect — singing !! although i sacrificed going for drama SYF for debates (which was worth it, entirely) some church musical popped up instead and i auditioned for it a really long time back but the results only came back today and i got the leading role so i’m really psyched about it too!

i guess giving up drama SYF and playing an anorexic was worth it because i’m getting a double dose of drama this year

and although i miss terribly much not having a band and singing on stage, i know there’ll be more in store for me. and maybe i don’t even need a band anymore, because i’ll have the confidence to stand on a stage without other people behind me to give me support so i won’t freak out. (:

it’s not always rainbows and butterflies.

i finally calmed down enough to stop crying and start eating my very nice dinner that would have been nicer if it wasn’t stone cold because i left it sitting there while i tried not to be such a spoilt brat.

well. woke up this morning feeling quite refreshed. went out with dad to the PC show which was insanely crowded. then made my way down to town, which took even longer because everyone comes out on sundays seriously, met suzy, went walking around town and proved the theory that everyone goes out on sundays. HAHA.

dropped by popular and bought more pens; at this rate i’ll either have to use 2 pencil cases or buy one extra-large one.

after a bout of crying on the way home and when i got home over childish matters, right now i’m (finally) fine again.

(:

i have just tomorrow before i leave tuesday night, and obviously there’s research to do and clothes to pack. but i definitely have to go running tomorrow. a week of pastas in different variations every other dinner is not good for me, or my weight.

i gotta move on and leave you behind.

i essentially went to school for a math test today; although watching grease during GP rocked and PE was lifting weights in the gym again which makes me think i’m building muscles yay, so i guess school was fun, even if it was a tad pointless.

i somehow hope my timetable changes for the better next term, much as i like afternoon PE lessons with the prospect that it might rain. (although it never does at the right time sadly!)

went shopping after school. i intended to get a pair of skinny jeans, but thanks to having big hips and skinny legs i couldn’t find a pair that fit just fine. either it was too loose around my thighs or too tight around my hips URGH ):

and then !! wound up going down to MPH to buy files, but the only nice one was some winnie the pooh one. i like it cause it isn’t just a random image. it goes “Pooh, what would you like doing best in the world?” and i somehow feel it has a deeper meaning behind it heh.

then walked around aimlessly and ended up at bras basah’s popular, renewed my card and bought pens and erasers ahah. because between the combimate and i we have zero erasers and a love for using pencils. and i somehow can’t resist buying new stationary ):

reached home late even though i ended early today. survived most of the day with my phone battery dead and off. went over to fer’s to snitch stuff ahaha

and it’s 11 now and i have neither finished packing nor completed my research for tomorrow. so i guess it’s back to work now.

-

it’s a sour colour but it feels sweet.
;i wish this’d be easier.

you’re on my heart just like a tattoo.

today was the last session of DEP. the message was clear: practice.

i’ve decided to draw up a new list of resolutions to make me a better person; in light of the past few days, and in light of what i must live up to (i.e. the C average to maintain the HS).

and hopefully i’ll cure this horrible procrastination thing i have going on.

DEP today was really fun though. RI boys sat behind and were extremely entertaining. i played the barney song and we started debating about the merits of barney, (i’ve argued why barney rocks with 4 different people today) and i found a fellow barney lover AHAHAHAH. i can’t believe upper sec boys still play pokemon games and that they listen to really weird/sick songs.

well popped by fareast on my way home, dinner of fantastic subway, bought a cute orange watch on a whim, was tempted to buy the faded shirts that are my new love but didn’t have enough cash and was in a hurry to get home. i shouldn’t be allowed to walk around with more than 10 bucks because i tend to spend it all. I NEEED to buy a new white blouse thouugh, like my jeans my current formal blouse is falling off me. >.< and i need new skinny jeans so i won’t have my jeans hanging off my hips.

i have the best combimate in the world btw; after going to the doctor with her and ensuring her absence from school to rest at home, she came back to school a few days later and passed me her cough ! which leaves me a tad hoarse now. thanks choir girl. HAHA.

but i shall follow her plan of incentives; the combimate says she’ll watch a part of juno after finishing every paragraph, but having watched juno i’ll go for chocolate instead.

okay that was absolutely random. hmmm. my cat’s snoring next to me.  wellzxz back to the writing =/

you don’t even know how very special you are

i’ve decided to use tags instead of categories, and a hauling change in layout. i like this layout, it’s classy instead of laidbackingly random.

dance class today was just about fine, lunch was difficult to finish because it’s rare that i actually sit down to finish a proper meal nowadays. then rushed home to drop off my dancing shoes and headed to NUS law faculty to watch NCS finals with VJC against RJC. the killer motion was about presidential debates.

went off before the results came out and headed downtown to marina sqaure to attempt finishing my homework, and finally (YES!!) finished my math tutorial. (okay there’s one question left but i just give up. my teacher’s gonna kill me.)

after today, i’m finally non-emo and back to my normal happy self. i won’t subjugate myself to being unhappy over things i’ll never be able to change, so just screw it. i don’t care anymore.

i actually had a proper dinner PLUS dessert today, so i’m quite proud of myself for eating properly instead of snacking incessantly for what’s probably the first time this week. rooftop of marina square’s nice. it’s a food court but it’s pretty comfy and windy despite the nondescript skyline of concrete and hazy sky in the backgrouund. it’s just not scenic.

tried walking to find bras basah but gave up and took the mrt down to orchard and went stationary shopping instead. it took much resilience not to buy more pens, seeing as my pencilcase is quite full already, but i bought another cute folder, this time a powerpuff girls once with buttercup on it. not that i like ppg but it was cute and my friend got it too so we have matching files now haha.

absolute randomness, and tomorrow i shall have to clear off the remaining homework which doesn’t seem so daunting anymore now that i’ve cheered up and life doesn’t seem to be a big mistake. might even go swimming tomorrow if i can. making of the leap years is on just after midnight. i shall stay up to watch.

i wish the leap years opened tomorrow. haha.