you’re an island and my ship has run aground.

face feels normal again.
i feel normal again.

another thing down on the agenda today – end of moot parliament!!!
was great fun though. writing is therapeutic for me. bills, speeches, and rebuttals.
miss debating quite badly.

felt less hormonal today.
probably helped that i gave myself a nice long break because i felt too lousy to go for class.
breezy rooftop, a sky dotted with clouds = feelings of contentment
oh and chocolate helped.
dropped by island creamery after school for ICE CREAM. much craved.
i swear, ice cream is the best thing to keep tears away.
i love ice cream. it succeeds in calming me down into a general feeling of serenity and joy.

I AM SO DEAD FOR MATH TEST i have spent the night peeling off bits of dead skin off my shoulder. my entire floor is littered with dead skin quite gross. i shall have to sweep it up soon.

shall try to go salvage my math.

we are not shaken, we are not moved

this has been ringing in my head for the past few days.

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

there’s so many “firsts” for me – PPH is the first church i’ve gone consistently for, last year was my first christmas, this is my first easter spent in church and i’m starting to realize that there’s more to life than sleeping in on such holidays and spending the rest of the day tussling with crowds along orchard road, shopping.

So I’ll wait upon You now
With my hands released to You
Where a little faith’s enough
To see mountains lift and move

the past few days have been absolutely awesome.
i’ve been spending a considerable amount of time in church, hanging out with people from church, which i’m really, really glad for
also, have been hanging out with christians when i’m not in church which is definitely the right way to go

today i have managed to juggle many things, all in one day, and it hasn’t even been tough, it just… happened. i really thank God for that, because with this ability to multi-task without stuff clashing makes life so, so much better for me

i am contented, blissful, happy, grateful.
and most of all, Thankful.
i thank God, for without Him i would be nothing and i could do nothing either.
He is my strength, my comfort, my deliverer – the ever-living God.

you took your love away too fast,.

after half a dozen glasses of wine, i am perfectly lucid, capable of going shopping around vivo and of course, writing another 5000 words in my last legs of nanowrimo.

first day of work today!
this is the 3rd december holiday i’m spending, and i’ve come to learn the workings of the office and how to deal with everything and actually find fun in what everyone else thinks is mundane.

went shopping with fer at vivo after that!!
first was bingefest at pastamania
then to haagen das for ice cream! which was really good at a horrendously expensive price.
but still really yummy.
and ended up the evening with a trip to the face shop to buy nail polish!
so now i currently have purplish pink nails. it sounds gross butits actually a really nice colour.
at least, i like it

i’m in a spectacular mood now, so hopefully this continues!

you are the rock on which we stand.

good days like this don’t come often, but then when they do, it roxxors.

i have a brand new super cool camera!!!!!
daddy bought it, in view of the fact that i have many oppurtunities coming up to use it
dinner was spize at river valley, with elephant portions of mushroom cheese roti john

open day today was hectic, and my legs are really tired now!
i… wasn’t exactly truthful, but i did put everything in a positive light.
like how IP has developed me into a better person, how the science practicals encourage learning, and how interesting the IP curriculum was, and how nice the science labs were.
i neglected to mention that i was trapped, an arts student in a science school, falling asleep in the science lab because it was so comfortable.

oh and i had about 5 cups of milo, and forgot about lunch.
i also stole about half a dozen open day tshirts for everyone, since there were so many extras sitting there going to waste.

okay yeah but it was fun hanging out with nush and all, and it was a blast emceeing for the dancers!!!!!!!
omg best part of the day.
and the dancers all danced with such confidence and enthusiasm, even though there wasn’t much of a crowd (mostly just NJ people, but no one like, from the public) so i feel quite inspired for my own upcoming recital!!

ohh and last night at grace’s we shared a tub of haato ice cream, which is really nice and really light.
i love ice cream

yuppozzzzz i’m off to play with my new toy!!

so darken your clothes, or strike a violent pose, maybe they’ll leave you alone, but not me.

i love my chemical romance’s teenagers!!!!!!!!!!!!

so this morning i ran another 8km (my 2nd for this week) and once again, in around 50 minutes! which i have come to realize is a good run, so YAY

i love running <3 i think soon, it’ll become second nature. where i live to feel my feet fly off the ground, and perhaps as i go on my feet will go faster and faster until one day it really will feel like flying.

last night i started crying for no reason, and i talked to grace until i felt better, and to top it all off i had ice cream. i think ice cream (like chocolate and to some extent, yoghurt) is my comfort food and then i watched pocahontas which was a BIG MISTAKE because the ending isn’t a happy one! pocahontas must bid goodbye to john smith, and in part 2 pocahontas decides to choose some other guy instead so the whole story becomes… yeah just bad.

okay but after that whole episode, and my excellent run this morning, i’m ready to leave my decent but somewhat disappointing promotional results behind… with the realization that i can now add running to the very short list of things that i would sacrifice my sleep for.
and also, i’m very thankful to nush and grace and dmzxz for trying to make me feel better (and succeeding at it), and for understanding when i expected no one to sympathise.

good things happened today; i think i truly have alot to live for, and alot to be grateful for.
i think running always puts things in perspective for me, somehow.
and of course God always puts things in my life to remind me that things aren’t as bad as i make them out to be.

off to grace’s soon for our very belated sleepover!!
open day tmrw looks set to be hectic (for me) although i don’t think there’ll be much of a crowd!

on a random note, i can’t believe i have to convince my juniors to join debating excellence program aka DEP, one of the things that has changed my life immensely, and for the better.
if i had a chance, i would go back this year and go through the entire training again, because DEP was truly one of the best experiences i’ve ever had in my life, and one of the high points of my debating career.
in fact, i could say i took off because DEP gave me faith in myself, and skills to boot.
i don’t think my juniors will see this, but i really hope that all of them at least apply and give it a shot, and that they’ll make it in.
i miss my DEP days ):

i’ll take every moment, and live it out loud.

i like holidays(:
i just wish they could be longer. (like the nov/dec hols that always pass in brief euphoria)
but i’m so glad to be away from school and hanging out with people i <3! much.

today was a very funny day, it started off with breakfast at subway with estella, then she had to go off but grace came alone soon after and that was lunch, still at subway, and stayed there till evening when we went up to the food court for dinner, and estella came along soon after, then grace had to go off so it was just estella and i again. and today was horribly unproductive, more of talking and laughing than anything else.

partially because i was doing math, and doing a horrible job of it. i completely shocked estella when i started crying because i was so frustrated i couldn’t do the vectors question !!! (then the whole “i’m really terrified for promos” thought set in) so i decided to take it easy for the day after that omg i’m so dead for math and i keep chanting “i should drop to h1″ which probably isn’t very helpful.

okay but minus that today was fabbbbb plus estella and grace managed to calm me down after that, so thankfully i didn’t spoil the happy mood of the day. and even my swollen eye(lid) is getting less sore (and less swollen) YAY!

i think some articles from the new york times are definitely worth reading:
“For all her great skills at presentation, many people, including some Republicans who think the microphone is off, believe that Sarah Palin is a terrible choice for running mate. But you have to remember who the other options were.” (taken from: Sarah Palin speaks!)

i wish elections in singapore were just as thrilling. but i guess since we don’t elect our PM directly, we don’t have people saying “i ran the biggest constituency in singapore, so i’m ready to run singapore itself.” and partially because singapore is just so tiny that… it’s not like becoming the leader of the world, at least not in the same way the US President is.

sometimes i wish i had livejournal so i could lock up some entries, but more because i like the whole lj cut thing. i’m so used to wordpress though haha. maybe i’ll change… when i think of a new url, or when i get the WHIM. (okay so maybe i am a little impulsive)

i guess it’s just hard to give up anything, even when the warning signs are just roaring alarm bells into your ear that something’s not right.
but i think i’ve got it (meaning my life) sorted out, this time.

there is one thing, i can do nothing about;

080808-

a really pretty date, but i didn’t do anything special today. i haven’t felt normalcy like this in ages. perhaps that was what was most special about today;

i spent the afternoon with the cool afternoon breeze gently blowing, the good music playing on. random. contented. happy.
finally finished writing my letters for the swaps and posted them out.

What is Courage? Is it Brave?
What are Lions? I’ve only seen them in parades.
How is love supposed to read, in a footnote of history?
(Two Lights – Five For Fighting)

SOLARIS WON THE NE CUP THIS MORNING. (PICCAS HERE!) thus completing our collection of trophies. i have the best house in the world, the coolest OG with friends for life that i’ve made from there, and i’m very proud of my house, all the performers, for my absolutely brilliant guitarist minh, and of course, of myself, because i wanted to run away to the toilet just before the performance.

simply not used to singing in front of a large audience like the entire school. i was really truly scared, especially of screwing up. (in the end i thought i sang too fast but i was like. ahh whatever it’s overrrrrrrrr.) but when i got there, i managed to calm down and sing. and enjoy myself while i was singing it. (:

i smiled, i was truly happy and when the news about us winning sunk in, that was euphoria. major high that i just wanted to jump and scream and shout till my voice was hoarse.
knowing that i hadn’t let my house down, and knowing that i had done myself some justice for the horrible broadway night screwup, and so, so grateful to God for giving me this chance.

today, i felt like i mattered. that i made a difference.

today was the best thing that happened this week; made all that toil worth it.
and perhaps i can be reassured that there’s always sunshine after any rain in my life.
God will provide (:

and now, i’m stronger than yesterday. (as Britney used to sing.)

off to youth soon, to be inspired. <3

we’ll make it better than it ever was.

AHH I’M VERY HAPPY TODAY

solaris won the cup for sports meet,
juniors (07IP03) won the IP cup,

and i saw another side to my friends/teachers. the side where they run very fast.

even for those i know to be fast runners like lawrence and wilbert it’s still amazing watching them run and pwn the other runners big time. i officially think track’s the best CCA around;

it’s a clear win, you get to physically pwn your opponents, and you have lots of competitions, and you can train as much as you want, and it’s an individual AND a team thing.

rah i remember being forced to join netball in primary and encouraged to join in secondary school; they should have put me into track instead. it’s quite sad i have long legs but i can’t run. okay i can run but i’m just not gonna win any gold medals for it ):

AHWELL.

i still feel very acheived solaris was first for cheering competition as well, and i know i definitely gave my all. cheering always makes me a happier person i think it’s an outlet for me to vent my frustrations.

finally sent in our overdue history essay; next saturday will be spent at RJ … “debating”.

so much for “i want a break” it’s just been a few days and i wanna get back to debate, but yet not about such content loaded issues like the origins of the cold war owch.

after cheering my lungs out and being extremely impressed by the people around me who run so fat oh my goodness, i went down to beauty world and bought a new school skirt. it’s size 29 but it felt abit weird so i didn’t dare go get a size 28. i’m currently wearing size 30 and it’s rather loose so i have no idea why 29 is so much smaller.

AND MY SOLARIS SHIRT SHRANK. either that or i grew fatter ): or that i just noticed how tight it was, maybe due to a combination of the culmination of both the above factors.

well then i came home, went out to cut my hair and it cost 16 bucks and i think next time i’ll stick to clippers at 20 bucks ahah. whatever it is i have less hair now, it dries faster, and it feels alot lighter

after that i went down to vivo to run an errand for my mum, and omg i haven’t been there in ages the place looks so welcoming and so omg my favourite place in the world ahhhhh. ): I MISS VIVO I HAVENT BEEN THERE IN A MONTH OR MORE. sigh.

then on my way home i grabbed dinner and i realized i don’t even know how to order properly from the coffeshop opposite my house despite having eaten from there countless number of times, because either mum does takeaway or dad orders when we dine in.

it’s quite pathetic, a 17 year old standing there staring at the menu trying to figure out what is it she’s been eating for the past 10 years. i conclude that i’m very much a spoilt brat.

came home, bathed, then started talking to my friend on the phone so i eventually forgot about dinner, and over an hour later when i put down the phone i was barely halfway through dinner ahah. i finished it super fast and i feel damnnnn full now omg.

ah but i’m very happy today was a good day even though bad things happened here and there and i got stressed out over stuff and worried about others but nevermind it all pretty much worked out okay.

dad just called to remind me to “catch up on my work and focus on my studies.” ahah.

MY STUDIES ARE IN A BAD STATE. or at least math is. i should go salvage my PW first.

and then, SLEEP omg i’m so tired. GOODNIGHT(:

when i’m weary, well, i know you’ll be there.

today was a happy day

no school so roamed the streets with dmzxz. had a full subway lunch with cookies yumyum.
then went down to esplanade library, managed to finish abit of math (I AM DEAD I AM SO BLOODY FAR BEHIND IN MATH I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO FIND AN ASYMPTOTE) and a very messy history outline that i have a feeling isn’t very well-organized.

dinner was some western food set meal at raffles city’s food court in my favourite little alcove. dessert was j.co donuts that i figure are overrated.

in the course of the day, i’ve talked out everything that’s been troubling me for a while already, and you know what, i think i’m ready to move on and stop moaning about finals.

it’s over, and nothing’s going to change it. i should stop sounding like a sore loser.

on another note, suntec city’s basement has very cute fishes

i love it when there’s no school. i haven’t appreciated hanging out so much until nationals totally took my life away.

i can’t believe it’s over still. there’s still SMU hammers and ACJC invitationals and NTU DCs next year and SRJCs and NCS but i have a feeling it’s time to let the juniors have their shot.

i like my freedom very much. except that i also need to catch up quite badly. ):

-

and it’s time to mend the broken friendships, if it’s not too late already.
we’re drifting further away as i’m rebuilding up the old times.
don’t tell me it’s a necessary sacrifice; i don’t know what i’d choose. ):

so much to say, that goes unspoken.

half day;

and i spent over 6 hours at debates. i spend more time in TB23 than i do with my bed. i spend more times than debates than on sleep.

the school was eerily quiet; everyone had gone out. no lessons, no dancers, just the rain pattering outside and our prepping inside. snacking and debates are starting to go hand in hand, i brought a box of cereal and hello panda, there were also biscuits, garlic bread flavoured chips, mentos and chocolate wafers. i insist that debates has started to feed us well this year, although my staple for the next few days will be very healthy cereal. yumyum.

the weather in the evening was perfect for a run. i was itching for another 2.4km or besting my previous 4km mark. my mood was personified by creed’s my sacrifice, and i couldn’t help but hum it in my head or sing it out loud. corridors were empty so it didn’t matter anyway.

ended at the same time with the gang and hung out with minying & grace for a while, highly entertaining lunch break. much random squealing and generally very random stuff. grace+gp before that was an excellent mix, i didn’t learn anything except that grace has… funny notions. haha.

today was the first time in ages i have felt awake, for very much most of the day at least. i fell asleep in front of the computer so many times in the course of last night i decided to give up torturing myself to finish homework and go sleep instead. perhaps that’s why today i was less moody and more talkative and responsive than i have been in many weeks. sullen depression is bad for health. that being said, i think i have alot to be grateful for.

enough of talk; being bitchy is something i have to see as too much

so long as i convince myself of the above, rationalize it through the debates in my head, i’ll become a better person. till then, i’ll have to start trying

-

i realized i’d never have been happy on the field, court or track. it’s not intellectually stimulating like being on the floor is, and much as i love the wind in my face and the joys of running my own race, i think i still love debating more. much much more (: