‘cos i know you’re worth it.

TODAY WAS TOTALLY THE AWESUMZ!!

okay so i had an immense amount of trouble WAKING UP and i ended up late for church becoz church service has now been moved 1 hour earlier
i should be ashamed of myself, really BUT next week i will try to be on time!! :/

and thenz went out for a super long lunch with church people!! ikea meatballs are awesome and the company was just hilarious haha i <3 my church people. they’re all so nice even though sometimes i still feel abit like a stranger cos they’ve all grown up with each other and i’m this thing that just dropped in quite recently.

hopefully the next time i go to ikea they have my favv soup! love ikea soup, and the wholemeal/chunky kinda bread that comes with it.

went to vivooooo! basil just happened to be there with other people but joined me to go shopping for some stuff eg. dividers! and we managed to find some at pageone. i’m gonna be rather annoyed if i find nicer looking ones at kino tomorrow though BUT NEVERMIND!!

then went to macs and decided to read my history notes (!!), spent like OVER THREE HOURS on one set but at least i’m done with it :/ history is one subject that i just seem to spend so much time on but i still do badly for

TOMORROW … MATH COMES BACK. I AM DREADING IT. DREADING DREADING.
this is probably the only kind of suspense that i like, prefer?
better not to know

on the brighter side!! finished studying about 9, went down to swissbake at about 9? and i was really annoyed cos my favourite quiche and pies were ALL GONE so i bought some chocolate thing, and some curry puff instead. i think i stole one of the chocolate things lavania was eyeing (HAHA SORRY MATE!) but it was the first time i saw that there were actually any chocolate things left!

and then while i was paying, guess who should come along but dear ol’ B
who came down to send me home

today has been a v.v. happy day although it turned out entirely different from the day i planned out when i started my day today – but unexpected is good, once in a while!!

SCHOOL IN LIKE, 8.5 HOURS?? MATH LESSON IN 9 HOURS.
i shall think about how awesome today has been

well my best side was your worst invention.

i am starting to realize that family is actually important,
(some) relatives are the kinds you wish you never lost touch with,
and that how you are in the first 10 years of your life, who you are, how you grow up, really, really shapes you for the rest of your life.

i am gradually coming to terms with the fact that i really might be too skinny.
and the problem is that my appetite is on a downward spiral.
the good thing is that i’m still eating, like 2 meals a day because i wake up so late i get breakfast and lunch all-in-one.
the bad thing is that it’s so, so tough to eat. food seems to suck, i don’t seem to get hungry, or, when i get hungry, like a few spoonfuls later i get really full??

its troubling.

tbs ftw. i think their new album is the next album i’m buying. i need more good music.
i have about 3000 songs but i really only listen to about 300. or at most, about 1000.

-

i think i quite <3 my life. in general. past few days have reminded me how much life is so worth lovin’ to the max. like it was last year.

some. times. - just pass as a blur.

but windows open and close, that’s just how it goes.

still sick, now wheezing!! loss of appetite despite occasional hunger pangs.
and to top it off, i’m not studying enough … :/
body feels horrible right now, although i woke up fine and was okay for most of the day.

bible class + service at b’s church + service at my own church = 5 hours straight of God.
which is exhausting but i felt alot better after that, mentally and physically.

my mentor of sorts at church gave me an early birthday present today!!
first birthday present of the year i’m actually quite excited at turning 18 HAHA.
i am trying to resist the urge to open it but later on i think i shall cos i’m just bad at the suspense thing.

after a mega serving of church, and a long time waiting for the 51, ikea lunch
Mushroom soup plusss meatballs yumyum.
but then i started feeling crappy again

-

you’re useless; i’m helpless.
and i can’t see any way out of this but doom.
(no i can’t)

this could be lyrics from any random song on the radio.
i could make a song out of it and i bet it would be good.
sad songs are always easier to write.
angst makes for good music.
i could even come up with a tune right now,
something modeled after “the world you love” by jimmy eat world.

i’m always hoping things will get better,
and i think i’m just always setting myself up for disappointment.

maybe i really should move on;
because you don’t give me enough to hold on to.

have i found you, flightless bird?

was supposed to go to sentosa today but it rained
ended up going to marina instead and somehow loads of people were hanging around there today, including dear ol’ KANG-AN!!! was really quite shocked to see him.

today i realized that although b’s ipod is smaller than mine, his screen is bigger
how sad. my ipod is beautiful and steady but i think i will be quite glad to move on when it dies. which, i hope, will not be soon cos it’s only like, less than 2 years old!

dinner at brotzeit with mum was good stuff. and also an extravagant waste of money. i’ve realized that espirit dresses are really nice and also another extravagant waste of money really expensive :/

somehow, i kinda can’t wait to work and earn money and get that adidas jacket i’ve always wanted. and shop at espirit where dresses are actually long enough for me. but then again, i don’t really want to work either.

before i even get there, i’ll need to survive the 2 lit tests this week first. :/

and so it is, just like you said it would be.

am trying very hard to RUMMAGE THROUGH MY WARDROBE to find something nice, decent and THIS should actually not be THAT hard but i’m being really picky because this feels like a job interview ‘cept that i really need to STOP FREAKING OUT (and say that to myself a few more times too and actually mean it) ‘cos i’m just you know, thinking too much as usual and being a WORRIER and just.

…
(whatever. i need to calm down. what’s the worst that could happen? well, nothing that could keep me down.}

and tomorrow is mother’s day.
i told dad about my “surprise” plans (second surprise i’ve planned this week)
dad said: since when do you celebrate this kinda thing?
i’ve celebrated the past few father’s days with my dad i think. or at least his birthday.
i think he’s just abit surprised someone is actually caring for my mum because he staunchly refuses to celebrates anniversaries, birthdays and other special days.

funnily enough, i’ve spent quite a few of my birthdays in malaysia because of him.
and this year, the one year i’d really like to spend in singapore, he’s decided it would be nice for me to have a joint celebration with my cousin who’s already drinking alcohol, and can drive too. while i try to stay legal and am not allowed to drive.
EQUITY does not exist, i tell you.

-

okay but today, minus the preparations (i.e. worrying) for tomorrow, was quite good
CG outing was quite fun, celebrated lavania and estella’s birthday.
then youth was quite good too lovelovelove worship sessions. just sing and just. yeah.
i like that

and now i shall go prepare myself for Tomorrow.

As we walked we were talking and I didn’t say half the things I wanted to.

FER CAME DOWN TO NJ TODAY
absolute awesomeness. made my (otherwise quite lousy) day
we watched the acjc vs dhs soccer match. and soccer is actually quite interesting.

today, i really wished i could redo last year.
i’d go watch the soccer nationals. i’d go watch the softball nationals.
i’d do my math homework.
i’d… treasure what i’ve got in front of me.

i guess i need to be contented. stop being so picky. overanalytical.
but sometimes, i want to be contented too, but i don’t think it’s just my fault :/

SIGH.
i am so tired that i keep falling asleep! and i am such a BUM.
i am going to sleep early so i can stop feeling so tired.
i think a lack of sleep SEVERELY affects my emotional state ):

okay but i know this – next year, i dont wanna regret what i’ve done this year.

on another note, 2.4km run today was ohkay. i ran under 14
but its a not very good timing. 13mins 50 seconds which is a deprovement from last year, but still good considering that i havent really been running.
i miss running.
maybe the lack of exercise is screwing up my brain.

i can’t take it any longer, thought that we were stronger.

if there exists a criteria, a benchmark, for someone who is a failure as a student,
i’m pretty sure i make the cut.

i made it through today with the help of…
chocolate,
two painkillers,
and coffee, which gave me the runs but at least kept me awake cos i felt so horrible.

i think nowadays i’ve become very irritable.
lack of sleep makes it difficult to be patient.
lots of things annoy me that didn’t used to annoy me before.
what surprises me is that there are things that i can still put up with,
that i thought would have been the first thing that would irritate me.

but still,
sometimes it gets tiring because you don’t realize… stuff.
(and i’m saying you, as in generally/a few people, not a specific person.)

it’s so overdue.

and i don’t wanna fall to pieces
i just wanna sit and stare at you
but there is no more time for lies
cause I see sunset in your eyes

I AM STRESSED TO THE MAXXXXXX.
i have no idea why i signed up to be an OGL.
this is where i reexamine the human being i have been, and the one i should be, and well.
SO MUCH TO DO, HOW?
i think the worst part of this all is that i really, really want to sleep.